Sour Pharmacist

What doesn’t cure you ales you


Seamus went into a pharmacy in Dublin. He reached into his jacket pocket and took out a bottle of Irish whiskey and a teaspoon.

Seamus proceeded to pour some of the amber liquid into the teaspoon and offered it to the pharmacist.

“Could you taste this for me, please?” asked Seamus.

The pharmacist took the teaspoon into his mouth, swilled the liquid around and swallowed it.

“Does that taste sweet to you?”, says Seamus.

“No, not at all,” says the pharmacist.

“Oh, that’s a relief,” says Seamus. “Doctor Flannigan told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”




QuotaBills
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields

The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain. - Charlie Chaplin

He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Humor does not diminish the pain - it makes the space around it get bigger. - Allen Klein

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

You purchase pain with all that joy can give and die of nothing but a rage to live. - Alexander Pope

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

Everybody has losses - it's unavoidable in life. Sharing our pain is very healing. - Isabel Allende

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. - C S Lewis

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

Pain is a sign that we are alive. Problems are a sign that we are strong. Prayer is a sign that we are not alone. - Unknown

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow. For every challenge encountered there is opportunity for growth. - Unknown

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray


see also   Medical  Section
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29-May-2020