The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal American immigration. The Republican presidential primary campaign is prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray and live according to a conservative view of the U.S. Constitution and not Executive Orders.
Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists and green energy proponents crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose farm borders North Dakota. “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free range chicken. When I told him I didn’t have any, he angrily left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal American aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them nonetheless. He then installed 5,000 watt loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the border, but they just keep on coming.
Canadian officials are particularly concerned about American smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, promising them that they will be delivered to safe haven in Canada. They pack them into electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the batteries die. “A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though, and some kale chips, but they wouldn’t share.”
When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly fearing retribution from conservatives, who will make them work instead of providing entitlements. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the 1950s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on the Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” the official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic broccoli shortage, buying up all the hip hop CDs, and renting all of the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t absorb and support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many inept art and history majors does one country need?”
Politics makes strange red-fellows. - Will Rogers
Donation: A country full of female deer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
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All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken
Practical politics consists in ignoring facts. - Henry Brooks Adams
Go West, young man, and grow up with the country. - Horace Greeley
No, I look at the Senators and pray for the country. - Edward Everett Hale
There is a great deal of unmapped country within us. - George Iliot
The art of government is the organization of idolatry. - George Bernard Shaw
Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. - John Kenneth Galbraith
Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan
Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party. - Craig Ferguson
It is the patriotic duty of every man to lie for his country. - Alfred Adler
I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford
The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal. - Sigfried Hulzer
I've only been to these foreign countries: Canada, L.A. and Miami. - Larry the Cable Guy
At Motel 6 in Amish Country, I wonder if they leave the light on for you? - Jay London
Canada is the only country founded on the relentless pursuit of the rodent. - Preston Manning
Canada is the only country in the world that knows how to live without an identity. - Marshall McLuhan
Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck
That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves. - Thomas Jefferson
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
So, if we lie to the government, it's a felony.
But if they lie to us, it's politics. - Bill Murray
I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams
We - we need strength, we need energy, we need quickness and we need brain in this country to turn it around. - Donald Trump
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it. - George Bernard Shaw
Harold MacMillan is a very intelligent man, who, as so often happens in politics, achieved supreme power too late. - Malcolm Muggeridge
Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller
In politics it is necessary either to betray one's country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate. - Charles de Gaulle
Canada's political parties spend a few years in opposition and then govern as if it's permanent payback time. - Bob Rae
The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid. - Will Rogers
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing - and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even. - Will Rogers
Living in China has made me appreciate my own country, with its tiny, ethnically diverse population of unassuming donut-eaters. - Jan Wong
We're at a point in history where everyone needs to pay attention to politics. Too much is at stake for us to be apathetic. - Kevin Costner
The whole object of travel is not to set foot on foreign land; it is at last to set foot on one's own country as a foreign land. - G K Chesterton
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers
Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford
NBC News just called it "The Great Freeze" - coldest weather in years. Is our country still spending money on the global warming hoax? - Donald Trump
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27-Jun-2022 |