The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal American immigration. The Republican presidential primary campaign is prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray and live according to a conservative view of the U.S. Constitution and not Executive Orders.
Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists and green energy proponents crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose farm borders North Dakota. “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free range chicken. When I told him I didn’t have any, he angrily left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal American aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them nonetheless. He then installed 5,000 watt loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the border, but they just keep on coming.
Canadian officials are particularly concerned about American smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, promising them that they will be delivered to safe haven in Canada. They pack them into electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the batteries die. “A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though, and some kale chips, but they wouldn’t share.”
When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly fearing retribution from conservatives, who will make them work instead of providing entitlements. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the 1950s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on the Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” the official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic broccoli shortage, buying up all the hip hop CDs, and renting all of the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t absorb and support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many inept art and history majors does one country need?”
Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley
Canada's the best country in the world. - Justin Bieber
The army is the true nobility of our country. - Napoleon III
I don't even know what street Canada is on. - Al Capone
Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson
Government is an endless pursuit of new ways to tax. - Unknown
The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. - Otto von Bismarck
Canada has always been there to help people who need it. - Justin Trudeau
Healthy citizens are the greatest asset any country can have. - Winston Churchill
A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. - Bertrand de Jouvenel
Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Anybody can be good in the country; there are no temptations there. - Oscar Wilde
Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed. - Mao Zedong
This country with its institutions belongs to the people who inhabit it. - Abraham Lincoln
For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman
At Motel 6 in Amish Country, I wonder if they leave the light on for you? - Jay London
To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain
No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski
If people can just pour into the country illegally, you don't have a country. - Donald Trump
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw
Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini
The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion. - Thomas Paine
The spirit of America has nurtured responsibility and community unlike any other country. - Stephen Covey
My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain
What is the first part of politics? Education. The second? Education. And the third? Education. - Jules Michelet
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair. - George Burns
Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins
The single most exciting thing you encounter in government is competence, because it's so rare. - Daniel P Moynihan
I hope to stand firm enough to not go backward, and yet not go forward fast enough to wreck the country's cause. - Abraham Lincoln
Company cultures are like country cultures. Never try to change one. Try, instead, to work with what you've got. - Peter F Drucker
If we don't redouble our efforts to increase incentives for invention, this country's going to lose its edge. - Dean Kamen
What is politics but persuading the public to vote for this and support that and endure these for the promise of those? - Gilbert Highet
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan
We're at a point in history where everyone needs to pay attention to politics. Too much is at stake for us to be apathetic. - Kevin Costner
The workers' and peasants' government proposes to all warring peoples... negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. - Lenin
In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire
Papers say: 'Congress is deadlocked and can't act.' I think that is the greatest blessing that could befall this country. - Will Rogers
When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner
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13-Jul-2020 |