Cheating U.S. Politician in 2016
How To Win An Election

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

After much talk about ballot recounting & court challenges, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Maine. There were to be no observers present, and both candidates were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Hillary Clinton returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Donald Trump returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Clinton comes in with 20 fish and Trump comes in again with none. That evening, Trump’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Trump and says, “I think Clinton is a lowlife scheming cheat-her. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on her and see if she is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Clinton comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Trump, “Well, what about it, is Clinton cheating’?”

“She sure is,” Trump replied. “She’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
All men are equal before fish. - Herbert Hoover

Politics is an inexact science. - Otto von Bismarck

There's always a bigger fish. - Qui-Gon Jinn

Politics makes strange red-fellows. - Will Rogers

Politics makes strange postmasters. - Kin Hubbard

Fish and visitors stink after three days. - Benjamin Franklin

In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Holy Mackerel: Fish served at Church supper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Politics is just show business for ugly people. - Jay Leno

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Electric Eel: Fish that thrives in strong currents - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson

In politics, a lie unanswered becomes truth within 24 hours. - Willie Brown

Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle

A sushi chef has to spot the best-quality fresh fish instantly. - Nobu Matsuhisa

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas. - Lewis Black

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. - Edward Abbey

I don't really get romance. Bring me fish or moose, not flowers. - Eden Robinson

Lawyers are a bad lot... They cheat their living out of honest people. - Albert R Carman

Freedom of opinion can only exist when the government thinks itself secure. - Bertrand Russell

Clement Attlee reminds me of a dead fish before it has had time to stiffen. - George Orwell

What you need is somebody new - there's more than 1 fish in the woodpile. - Archie Bunker

I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge? - Douglas Adams

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. - Theodore White

American Politics: A form of socialism for the rich, including the politicians. - Gregory Nunn

Hillary Clinton is not going to be able to create jobs, I will tell you right now. - Donald Trump

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

I love Canada. I am from Canada. I will bash the Canadian government but never Canada. - Jason Priestley

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. - Henry David Thoreau

I can remember when Democrats believed that it was the duty of America to fight for freedom over tyranny. - Zell Miller

The man who can make others laugh secures more votes for a measure than the man who forces them to think. - Malcolm de Chazal

Luck affects everything; let your hook always be cast. In the stream where you least expect it, there will be fish. - Ovid

Fisherman: A sportsman, who sometimes catches a big fish by patience, sometimes by luck, but most often by the tale - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. - Ambrose Bierce

An election is coming. Universal peace is declared, and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry. - George Eliot

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating Canadian Politician (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)

 

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17-May-2022