Cheating U.S. Politician in 2016
How To Win An Election

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

After much talk about ballot recounting & court challenges, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Maine. There were to be no observers present, and both candidates were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Hillary Clinton returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Donald Trump returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Clinton comes in with 20 fish and Trump comes in again with none. That evening, Trump’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Trump and says, “I think Clinton is a lowlife scheming cheat-her. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on her and see if she is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Clinton comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Trump, “Well, what about it, is Clinton cheating’?”

“She sure is,” Trump replied. “She’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

In politics nothing is contemptible. - Benjamin Disraeli

Electric Eel: Fish that thrives in strong currents - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. - Groucho Marx

It's a terrible shame that politics has become show business. - Sydney Pollack

The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr

A lawyer is an odd sort of fish, first rotten, then green, then ripe. - Robert Christy

No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish. - John Ruskin

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC Fields

In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney

Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker

Freedom of opinion can only exist when the government thinks itself secure. - Bertrand Russell

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry

Don't be a fish; be a frog. Swim in the water and jump when you hit ground. - Kim Young-ha

If I don't get along with Democrats, I'm sort of, like, out of business. - Donald Trump

A leader in the Democratic Party is a boss, in the Republican Party he is a leader. - Harry S Truman

I love Canada. I am from Canada. I will bash the Canadian government but never Canada. - Jason Priestley

They laughed at Robert Fulton but without him, New York wouldn't have a fish market. - Archie Bunker

Fishing is not like billiards, in which it is possible to attain a disgusting perfection. - Arthur Ransome

Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it. - Tom Robbins

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. - George Pataki

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

Politics is the only business where doing nothing other than making the other guy look bad is an acceptable outcome. - Mark Warner

In politics it is necessary either to betray one's country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate. - Charles de Gaulle

Competition can damage self-esteem, create anxiety, and lead to cheating and hurt feelings. But so can romantic love. - Mariah Burton Nelson

Everyone has a skeleton in their closet. The difference between Bill Clinton and myself is that he has a walk-in closet. - Pat Buchanan

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

Very few of these panic-mongers have any personal knowledge of the countries that are already under blackshirt government. - Lord Rothermere

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. - Bill Vaughan

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire

Our future cannot depend on the government alone. The ultimate solutions lie in the attitudes and the actions of the American people. - Joe Biden

Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

Fishing Journal: An imaginative work of sub-literature in which the angler records the weight, length, and species of fish he didn't catch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey

I have long enjoyed the friendship and companionship of Republicans because I am by instinct a teacher, and I would like to teach them something. - Woodrow Wilson

I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating Canadian Politician (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)

 

Dead Batteries

Frozen Fish

How Do You Spell L-U-C-K-Y?

Stretch Line - Down To The Wire

Milkshake Diet

Bicycle Logging

Texas 4 Months Apart

Flat Tire Repair

Double Error Message

Redneck Candle

Tenacity

Better Call Saul

Hair Notes

Gold Silk Fabric

Orthodox Weapon
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

29-Nov-2021