Cheating U.S. Politician in 2016
How To Win An Election

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

After much talk about ballot recounting & court challenges, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Maine. There were to be no observers present, and both candidates were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Hillary Clinton returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Donald Trump returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Clinton comes in with 20 fish and Trump comes in again with none. That evening, Trump’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Trump and says, “I think Clinton is a lowlife scheming cheat-her. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on her and see if she is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Clinton comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Trump, “Well, what about it, is Clinton cheating’?”

“She sure is,” Trump replied. “She’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
All politics is local. - Thomas P O'Neil

All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

Man is not free unless government is limited. - Ronald Reagan

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. - Irina Dunn

Electric Eel: Fish that thrives in strong currents - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Be patient and calm; no one can catch a fish with anger. - Herbert Hoover

Don't bargain for fish which are still in the water. - India Proverb

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. - Bertrand de Jouvenel

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. - Henry Kissinger

In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney

Idealism is the despot of thought, just as politics is the despot of will. - Mikhail Bakunin

A dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. - WC Fields

Freedom of opinion can only exist when the government thinks itself secure. - Bertrand Russell

Clement Attlee reminds me of a dead fish before it has had time to stiffen. - George Orwell

Any man who puts his intelligence up against a fish and loses had it coming. - John Steinbeck

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. - P.J. O'Rourke

Hillary Clinton is not going to be able to create jobs, I will tell you right now. - Donald Trump

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers

Governing a large country is like frying a small fish. You spoil it with too much poking. - Lao-Tzu

Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. - George Bernard Shaw

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

What is the first part of politics? Education. The second? Education. And the third? Education. - Jules Michelet

When they see me holding fish, they can see that I am comfortable with kings as well as with paupers. - Imelda Marcos

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

The largest party in America is neither the Democrats nor the Republicans. It's the party of non-voters. - Robert Reich

The seeds of learning can grow almost anywhere. Trump University and my other education-related ventures like... - Donald Trump

Harold MacMillan is a very intelligent man, who, as so often happens in politics, achieved supreme power too late. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Everyone has a skeleton in their closet. The difference between Bill Clinton and myself is that he has a walk-in closet. - Pat Buchanan

The Republicans have all of the cards. And this is the time to get rid of Obamacare. This is the time to make the great deal. - Donald Trump

It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy. - Ronnie Corbett

Our future cannot depend on the government alone. The ultimate solutions lie in the attitudes and the actions of the American people. - Joe Biden

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

Memory is a net: one finds it full of fish when he takes it from the brook, but a dozen miles of water have run through it without sticking. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford

I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating Canadian Politician (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)

 

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23-Jan-2021