Cheating U.S. Politician in 2016

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

After much talk about ballot recounting & court challenges, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Maine. There were to be no observers present, and both candidates were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Hillary Clinton returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Donald Trump returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Clinton comes in with 20 fish and Trump comes in again with none. That evening, Trump’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Trump and says, “I think Clinton is a lowlife scheming cheat-her. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on her and see if she is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Clinton comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Trump, “Well, what about it, is Clinton cheating’?”

“She sure is,” Trump replied. “She’s cutting holes in the ice.”

QuotaBills
Politics makes strange red-fellows. - Will Rogers

In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte

From politics, it was an easy step to silence. - Jane Austen

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. - James Madison

One can think of life after the fish is in the canoe. - Hawaii Proverb

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

You can't get rich in politics unless you're a crook. - Harry S Truman

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas. - Lewis Black

It's okay to eat fish because they don't have any feelings. - Kurt Cobain

A lawyer is an odd sort of fish, first rotten, then green, then ripe. - Robert Christy

Good fishing is just a matter of timing. You have to get there yesterday. - Milton Berle

You have to have been a Republican to know how good it is to be a Democrat. - Jackie Kennedy

What you need is somebody new - there's more than 1 fish in the woodpile. - Archie Bunker

The police force cannot be completely independent of the executive government. - P Chidambaram

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

They laughed at Robert Fulton but without him, New York wouldn't have a fish market. - Archie Bunker

The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat one's self. All sin is easy after that. - Pearl Bailey

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it. - Tom Robbins

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

Taxpayer - someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. - Ronald Reagan

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote. - Benjamin Franklin

What is politics but persuading the public to vote for this and support that and endure these for the promise of those? - Gilbert Highet

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be the one or the other. - Napoleon Bonaparte

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. - H L Mencken

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. - Oscar Ameringer

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien

I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen

see also Fishing & Political Sections
Cheating Canadian Politician (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)

28-Sep-2020