The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.
The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news
QuotaBills
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
My wife gives good headache. - Rodney Dangerfield
Seek a wife in your own sphere. - Latin Proverb
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx
A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante
In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner
There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb
I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield
The fun of fishing is catching 'em, not killing 'em. - Norman Schwarzkopf
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield
A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. - Andre Maurois
My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen
I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis
Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty
The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me. - Howard Nemerov
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin
We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush
A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields
Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle
Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad's payroll - and on to his wife's - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison
Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. - Ken Dodd
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
There is only one thing harder than looking for a dewdrop in the dew, and that is fishing for a clam in the clam chowder. - New England Proverb
If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton
In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson
Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds
Seek a wife in your own sphere. - Latin Proverb
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx
A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante
In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner
There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb
I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield
The fun of fishing is catching 'em, not killing 'em. - Norman Schwarzkopf
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield
A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. - Andre Maurois
My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen
I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis
Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty
The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me. - Howard Nemerov
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin
We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush
A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields
Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle
Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad's payroll - and on to his wife's - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison
Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. - Ken Dodd
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
There is only one thing harder than looking for a dewdrop in the dew, and that is fishing for a clam in the clam chowder. - New England Proverb
If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton
In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson
Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
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