The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.
The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
Seek a wife in your own sphere. - Latin Proverb
Marriage is the sunset of love. - French Proverb
Fishing Gear Vendors: Reel estate agents - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has not pleasure. - Samuel Johnson
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker
In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez
Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp
When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown
Extravagance: Anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. - Molly McGee
I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis
I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta
Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles
The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me. - Howard Nemerov
My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi
If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon
I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle
A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. - Unknown
Marriage is the harmony of God synchronizing two wills with the will of the Father. - Ravi Zacharias
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad's payroll - and on to his wife's - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner
I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle
One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland
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23-Oct-2021 |