The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.
The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news
QuotaBills
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
My wife gives good headache. - Rodney Dangerfield
A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb
Second Marriage: The triumph of hope over experience. - Samuel Johnson
My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore
I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker
Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry
Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem
A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming
I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman
I went fishing with Rod Ewert. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. - Steven Wright
Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown
Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor
A good marriage was one in which each person thought he or she was getting the better deal. - Anne Lamott
During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields
Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx
Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe
The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
Fishing Trip: Journey undertaken by one or more anglers to a place where no one can remember when it has rained so much - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow
If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill
I'm amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch, yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets. - John Kinnear
In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield
When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland
A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb
Second Marriage: The triumph of hope over experience. - Samuel Johnson
My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore
I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker
Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry
Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem
A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming
I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman
I went fishing with Rod Ewert. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. - Steven Wright
Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown
Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor
A good marriage was one in which each person thought he or she was getting the better deal. - Anne Lamott
During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields
Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx
Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe
The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
Fishing Trip: Journey undertaken by one or more anglers to a place where no one can remember when it has rained so much - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow
If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill
I'm amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch, yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets. - John Kinnear
In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield
When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
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23-Oct-2020 |