The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.
The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news
QuotaBills
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg
A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante
Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz
Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges
There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb
A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield
The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries
I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen
I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis
Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield
When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield
If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee. - Anne Bradstreet
Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. - Steven Wright
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci
I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar
Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash
Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg
A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante
Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz
Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges
There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb
A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield
The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries
I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen
I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis
Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield
When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield
If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee. - Anne Bradstreet
Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. - Steven Wright
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci
I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar
Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash
Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
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29-May-2020 |