The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.
The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news
QuotaBills
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
My wife gives good headache. - Rodney Dangerfield
Who has a bad wife, his hell begins on earth. - Dutch Proverb
In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx
The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries
The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud
Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields
I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta
My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi
When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield
Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams
A good marriage was one in which each person thought he or she was getting the better deal. - Anne Lamott
During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers
Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller
My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson
Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash
Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe
For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman
The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
Fishing Trip: Journey undertaken by one or more anglers to a place where no one can remember when it has rained so much - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor
Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway
When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta
I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx
One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst
Who has a bad wife, his hell begins on earth. - Dutch Proverb
In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx
The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries
The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud
Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields
I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta
My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi
When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield
Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams
A good marriage was one in which each person thought he or she was getting the better deal. - Anne Lamott
During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers
Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller
My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson
Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash
Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe
For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman
The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
Fishing Trip: Journey undertaken by one or more anglers to a place where no one can remember when it has rained so much - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor
Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway
When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta
I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx
One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
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28-Jan-2021 |