The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.
The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz
I have laid aside business, and gone a'fishing. - Izaak Walton
Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges
No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has not pleasure. - Samuel Johnson
In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner
There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb
The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield
Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx
The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant
Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield
A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. - Andre Maurois
Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields
My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton
I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. - Unknown
My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss
A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming
Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert
I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife), but still my own. - Si Robertson
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush
A good marriage was one in which each person thought he or she was getting the better deal. - Anne Lamott
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson
Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. - Ken Dodd
A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield
I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo
This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon
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28-May-2020 |