The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.
The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news
QuotaBills
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
My wife gives good headache. - Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown
A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen
Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz
I have laid aside business, and gone a'fishing. - Izaak Walton
Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges
Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown
Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb
A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez
Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters
When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown
Extravagance: Anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. - Molly McGee
My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi
The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown
Marriage is the harmony of God synchronizing two wills with the will of the Father. - Ravi Zacharias
I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields
Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor
Wise Husband: One who buys his wife such fine china she won't trust him to wash the dishes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard
Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad's payroll - and on to his wife's - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield
For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton
Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield
I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo
Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown
A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen
Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz
I have laid aside business, and gone a'fishing. - Izaak Walton
Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges
Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown
Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb
A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez
Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters
When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown
Extravagance: Anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. - Molly McGee
My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi
The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown
Marriage is the harmony of God synchronizing two wills with the will of the Father. - Ravi Zacharias
I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields
Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor
Wise Husband: One who buys his wife such fine china she won't trust him to wash the dishes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard
Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad's payroll - and on to his wife's - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield
For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton
Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield
I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
 Clangeroo |  Redneck Cooler |  Instead Of Flowers |  Mt. Rushmore from the Canadian Side |  I Love Summer |
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23-Jul-2021 |