The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.
The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news
QuotaBills
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
My wife gives good headache. - Rodney Dangerfield
Second Marriage: The triumph of hope over experience. - Samuel Johnson
Antibody: 1. Against everyone; 2. Your Uncle's wife. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer
A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash
The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle
When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen
My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman
My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss
A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. - Irish Proverb
If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee. - Anne Bradstreet
Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno
The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield
Model Wife: One who, when she spades the garden, picks up the fish worms and saves them for her husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx
The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton
A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner
I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson
Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill
I'm amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch, yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets. - John Kinnear
Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway
When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx
One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst
Second Marriage: The triumph of hope over experience. - Samuel Johnson
Antibody: 1. Against everyone; 2. Your Uncle's wife. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer
A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash
The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle
When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen
My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman
My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss
A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. - Irish Proverb
If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee. - Anne Bradstreet
Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno
The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield
Model Wife: One who, when she spades the garden, picks up the fish worms and saves them for her husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx
The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton
A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner
I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson
Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill
I'm amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch, yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets. - John Kinnear
Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway
When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx
One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
 Jam Packed Suitcase |  All White Meat |  Alien Moon Landing |  Nothing But Net |  Bible Bar |
 Branding Inspiration for Graphic Designers |  Original Homeland Security - 2nd Amendment |  Sunday Weather Forecast |  On The Eighth Day |  Moses Parting the Ice Field |
 Texas Limo |  No Smoking Fish |  New Brunswick Swimming Pools |  Box Car |  Night Shift for a Computer Geek |
 Meep Meep |  German Emergency Road Share |  Bus Stop |  Tell Me Why You Can't Work |  The Last Photo I Took |
15-May-2022 |