The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.
The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news
QuotaBills
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb
Who has a bad wife, his hell begins on earth. - Dutch Proverb
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has not pleasure. - Samuel Johnson
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer
A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen
Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields
There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown
Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. - Irish Proverb
A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield
How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde
I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife), but still my own. - Si Robertson
Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown
Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen
If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers
Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison
Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb
A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin
My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield
This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon
Who has a bad wife, his hell begins on earth. - Dutch Proverb
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has not pleasure. - Samuel Johnson
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer
A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen
Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields
There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown
Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. - Irish Proverb
A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield
How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde
I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife), but still my own. - Si Robertson
Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown
Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen
If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers
Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison
Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb
A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin
My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield
This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
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10-Aug-2020 |