Italian Grandma’s Advice

How not to disgraza the family

Preparing for the first date


A young Italian girl was going on a date.

Her Nonna said, “Sita here ana letame tella you about this-a younga boy. He’s agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat, but don’t let him do dat.

He’s agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likeadat too, but don’ta let him do dat eeda.

But mosta important, he’s agonna try ana lay on topa you, you are agonna really likea dat, but don’ta let him do dat for sure.

Doing thata willa disgraza our family.”

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date.

The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted. “And Nonna, I didn’t let him disgrace our family as you said. When he tried to lay on top of me, I just rolled him over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family!”

Nonna fainted...


QuotaBills
It is no disgrace to rest a bit. - Gene Fowler

Italy is a geographical expression. - Prince Metternich

Grammatical Error: When Grandma screws up - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

BANG - A four-letter Italian word for good-bye. - Archie Bunker

Imported from a little town in Italy... Fresno. - Archie Bunker

The scandal of Christendom and a disgrace to you. - Catherine of Aragon

There is no place like home - except Grandma's. - Unknown

The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo. - Mark Twain

It is no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be. - Jim Grue

Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient. - Milton Berle

Grandma, thank you for being my anchor in this stormy sea of life. - Unknown

That's the formaldehyde. That's why Granny's so well-preserved. - Robin Williams

Italy is the home of art and swindling; home of religion and moral rottenness. - Mark Twain

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

It is not a disgrace to fail. Failing is one of the greatest arts in the world. - Charles Kettering

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V

Labor disgraces no man. Unfortunately, you occasionally find men who disgrace labor. - Ulysses S. Grant

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty. - WC Fields

That's how ya got your Chinatown, your Harlems, your Little Italy... all them grettos. - Archie Bunker

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again. - George Miller

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see you all day and now the day was complete. - Marcy DeMaree

Italy, and the spring and first love all together should suffice to make the gloomiest person happy. - Bertrand Russell

I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

As a family we couldn't decide whether to have Grandma buried or cremated, so in the end we decided to let her live. - Gary Delaney

Mexican, Mediterranean, Italian, sushi, I love it all. Put it on a plate, and as long as I know what it is, I will eat it. - Camren Bicondova

It's a family that's loaded with grudges and passion. We come from a long line of robbers and highwaymen in Italy. - Nicolas Cage

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan

You know that ISIS wants to go in and take over the Vatican? You have heard that. You know, that's a dream of theirs, to go into Italy. - Donald Trump

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


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13-Jul-2020