The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: “PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.”
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.”
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: “NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.”
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.”
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: “NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.”
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story: Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll live longer!
Donut worry, be happy! - Unknown
Slow and steady wins the race. - Aesop
Worry gives a small thing a big shadow. - Swedish Proverb
Pessimism is the triumph of worry over matter. - Unknown
Tattletale: Someone with a good sense of rumor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Hard work is exhilarating; worrying hard is a killer. - Joe Segal
When the problem is worry, the prescription is prayer. - David Jeremiah
Of all the things to worry about; the Wookie has no pants. - Mark Hamill
Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay as long as truth. - Will Rogers
I try not to worry about things I can't do anything about. - Christopher Walken
Put your trust in the Lord and go ahead. Worry gets you no place. - Roy Acuff
The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race. - Mark Twain
England is an empire, Germany is a nation, a race, France is a person. - Jules Michelet
The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer. - Will Rodgers
I had an Irish Catholic education. Horrible nuns, vindictive and cruel. - John Lydon
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. - Dave Barry
Once upon a time, forests were repositories of magic for the human race. - John Burnside
A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White
There is not enough time in life to worry about there being enough time in life. - Atticus
The dead won't bother you. It's the living you've got to worry about. - John Wayne Gacy
I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all my heart. - Alice Walker
If you're doing your best, you won't have any time to worry about failure. - H Jackson Brown, Jr.
All that separates... race, class, creed, or sex, is inhuman, and must be overcome. - Kate Sheppard
And where does the power come from to see the race to its end? It comes from within. - Eric Liddell
The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. - Robert Frost
An Irishman can be worried by the consciousness that there is nothing to worry about. - Austin O'Malley
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. - Benjamin Franklin
We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. - Stacia Tauscher
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill
Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater. - Albert Einstein
There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson
A man of character does not expect to be liked by everyone, nor does he worry about being liked by anyone. - Unknown
I've got something inside of me, peasantlike and stubborn, and I'm in it till the end of the race. - Truman Capote
We're all trying to keep up in this stupid race. But that won't be much fun when we're floating in space. - John Symeou
The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly
My Dad once said, "you wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did." - Dr. Phil McGraw
Our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe, our class, and our nation; and this means we must develop a world perspective. - Martin Luther King Jr.
It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla
Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke
To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest. - Joe-kster
Donkey & Religious Sections
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Protect Your Ass
Royal Weather Forecaster
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Umbrella For Two
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Just Chillin' Out
Sing It Out