The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: “PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.”
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.”
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: “NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.”
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.”
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: “NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.”
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story: Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll live longer!
Love more. Worry Less. - Unknown
In the race for love, I was scratched. - Joan Davis
Tattletale: Someone with a good sense of rumor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe. - Mark Twain
The finish line is just the beginning of a whole new race. - Susan Saint James
It's time for the human race to enter the solar system. - Dan Quayle
Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon. - John Madden
Don't worry about your heart. It will last as long as you live. - WC Fields
The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race. - Mark Twain
Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. - Leo Buscaglia
I had an Irish Catholic education. Horrible nuns, vindictive and cruel. - John Lydon
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway. - Unknown
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn. - Fulton J. Sheen
A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White
In the Moscow Olympics, Lasse Viren came in fifth and ran a champion's race. - David Coleman
There is not enough time in life to worry about there being enough time in life. - Atticus
The dead won't bother you. It's the living you've got to worry about. - John Wayne Gacy
In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. - Jonathan Katz
An Irishman can be worried by the consciousness that there is nothing to worry about. - Austin O'Malley
I worry about scientists discovering someday that lettuce has been fattening all along. - Erma Bombeck
Somewhere in the world someone is training when you are not. When you race him, he will win. - Tom Fleming
Don't worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try. - Jack Canfield
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles M. Schulz
Don't worry that your children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. - Robert Fulghum
Well over eighty per cent of the human race goes through life without having a single original thought. - H L Mencken
Happy the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind, and has given up worrying, once and for all. - Ovid
A man of character does not expect to be liked by everyone, nor does he worry about being liked by anyone. - Unknown
We are going as fast as we can as soon as we can. We're in a race against time, until we run out of money. - Jack Nicholson
150 people die every year from being hit by falling coconuts. Not to worry, drug makers are developing a vaccine. - Jim Carrey
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. - Robert Frost
Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens - the main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away. - John Steinbeck
We're all trying to keep up in this stupid race. But that won't be much fun when we're floating in space. - John Symeou
Teach your daughter to worry less about fitting into the glass slippers and more about shattering the glass ceilings. - Unknown
There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will. - Epictetus
It takes a real storm in the average person's life to make him realize how much worrying he has done over the squalls. - Bruce Barton
Even a race to Obama, she was gonna beat Obama. I don't know who would be worse, I don't know, how could it be worse? - Donald Trump
It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla
Worrying is the most natural and spontaneous of all human functions. It is time to acknowledge this, perhaps even to learn to do it better. - Lewis Thomas
Man is the only animal who enjoys the consolation of believing in a next life; all other animals enjoy the consolation of not worrying about it. - Robert Brault
see also Donkey & Religious Sections
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03-Dec-2020 |