The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: “PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.”
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.”
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: “NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.”
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.”
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: “NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.”
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story: Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll live longer!
Breath: What winners of a race lose - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Tattletale: Someone with a good sense of rumor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. - Steven Wright
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? - George Carlin
Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay as long as truth. - Will Rogers
I hate to spread rumours - but what else can one do with them? - Amanda Lear
Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon. - John Madden
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain
Music is what tells us that the human race is greater than we realize. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. - Leo Buscaglia
I had an Irish Catholic education. Horrible nuns, vindictive and cruel. - John Lydon
It's the steady, quiet, plodding ones who win in the lifelong race. - Robert W Service
The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strength. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill
The dead won't bother you. It's the living you've got to worry about. - John Wayne Gacy
I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all my heart. - Alice Walker
All that separates... race, class, creed, or sex, is inhuman, and must be overcome. - Kate Sheppard
An Irishman can be worried by the consciousness that there is nothing to worry about. - Austin O'Malley
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. - Benjamin Franklin
If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill
Don't worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try. - Jack Canfield
Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C S Lewis
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West
It is only the farmer who faithfully plants seeds in the Spring, who reaps a harvest in the Autumn. - B C Forbes
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. - Olin Miller
If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler
In this age, the man who dares to think for himself and to act independently does a service to his race. - John Stuart Mill
I've got something inside of me, peasantlike and stubborn, and I'm in it till the end of the race. - Truman Capote
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34
How many ideas have there been in the history of the human race that were unthinkable ten years before they appeared? - Fyodor Dostoevsky
There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will. - Epictetus
The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly
A free Negro of the African race is not a 'citizen' within the meaning of the constitution of the United States. - Roger Taney
My Dad once said, "you wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did." - Dr. Phil McGraw
To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest. - Joe-kster
If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep. - Dale Carnegie
The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison
see also Donkey & Religious Sections
Italian Rolex
Not A Shot Was Fired
Protect Your Ass
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13-Aug-2022 |