The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: “PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.”
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.”
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: “NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.”
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.”
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: “NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.”
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story: Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll live longer!
Worry gives a small thing a big shadow. - Swedish Proverb
Movie about nuns, starring Ingrid Bernstein - Archie Bunker
The human race is governed by its imagination. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Tattletale: Someone with a good sense of rumor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan
Hard work is exhilarating; worrying hard is a killer. - Joe Segal
When the problem is worry, the prescription is prayer. - David Jeremiah
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? - George Carlin
Of all the things to worry about; the Wookie has no pants. - Mark Hamill
I'm in the turtle's race. My journey is a marathon. - Omari Hardwick
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. - Lily Tomlin
Don't worry about your heart. It will last as long as you live. - WC Fields
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain
The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race. - Mark Twain
The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer. - Will Rodgers
Music is what tells us that the human race is greater than we realize. - Napoleon Bonaparte
I had an Irish Catholic education. Horrible nuns, vindictive and cruel. - John Lydon
Never worry about criticism from people you would never take advice from. - Unknown
Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. - Walter Elliott
A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin
Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world. - Mark Twain
The dead won't bother you. It's the living you've got to worry about. - John Wayne Gacy
Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment. - Dale Carnegie
I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all my heart. - Alice Walker
An Irishman can be worried by the consciousness that there is nothing to worry about. - Austin O'Malley
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles M. Schulz
It is only the farmer who faithfully plants seeds in the Spring, who reaps a harvest in the Autumn. - B C Forbes
If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? - Tom Barrett
A man of character does not expect to be liked by everyone, nor does he worry about being liked by anyone. - Unknown
We are going as fast as we can as soon as we can. We're in a race against time, until we run out of money. - Jack Nicholson
We're all trying to keep up in this stupid race. But that won't be much fun when we're floating in space. - John Symeou
Teach your daughter to worry less about fitting into the glass slippers and more about shattering the glass ceilings. - Unknown
The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly
My Dad once said, "you wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did." - Dr. Phil McGraw
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep. - Dale Carnegie
To be a champion, you have to learn to handle stress and pressure. But if you've prepared mentally and physically, you don't have to worry. - Harvey Mackay
see also Donkey & Religious Sections
Italian Rolex
Not A Shot Was Fired
Protect Your Ass
Royal Weather Forecaster
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30-Oct-2020 |