My Ex-Wife, The Pilot

My wife gives good headache. - Rodney Dangerfield

A married man is a caged bird. - Spanish Proverb

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American Saying

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. - Polish Proverb

Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

I was going to marry a gardener, but he was too rough around the hedges. - Unknown

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me. - Brendan Behan

My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman

Well, at least he has found his true love - what a pity he can't marry himself. - Frank Sinatra

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. - Robert Frost

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know so it goes flying anyway. - Mary Kay Ash

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

Pilots take no special joy in walking: pilots like flying. Pilots generally take pride in a good landing, not in getting out of the vehicle. - Neil Armstrong

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon