My Ex-Wife, The Pilot

One does not marry art. One ravishes it. - Edgar Degas

Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. - Lord Kelvin

If you marry for money you will earn every penny. - Dr. Phil McGraw

Getting married is an incredible act of hopefulness. - Ashley Judd

Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married. - Queen Elizabeth I

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

A man is often too young to marry, but a man is never too old to love. - Finnish Proverb

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset I'm not a widow. - Roseanne Barr

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. - Red Skelton

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. - Oscar Wilde

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee. - Anne Bradstreet

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip. - John Lennon

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?" - Robin Williams

Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know so it goes flying anyway. - Mary Kay Ash

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw