Taking No Chance with the Mother-In-Law

Burial plans in the Holy Land


A guy goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. The mother-in-law dies.

They go to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home but that it’ll cost over $5000, whereas they can bury her in the Holy Land for only $150.

The guy says, “We’ll ship her home.”

The undertaker asks, “Are you sure? That’s an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here.”

The guy says, “Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.”


QuotaBills
Easter is never deserved. - Jan Karon

The great gift of Easter is hope. - Basil C Hume

Only where graves are is there resurrection. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Famous men have the whole earth as their memorial. - Pericles

There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley

It is the resurrection that makes Good Friday good. - Ravi Zacharias

Spare the rod and spoil the Memorial Day rotisserie. - Brian Spellman

Easter spells out beauty, the rare beauty of new life. - S D Gordon

Easter is very important to me, it's a second chance. - Reba McEntire

Those have a short Lent who owe money to be paid at Easter. - Benjamin Franklin

I'm Jewish, so I don't know much about Easter eggs. - Simon Kinberg

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

Easter is meant to be a symbol of hope, renewal, and new life. - Janine di Giovanni

Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

Memorial Service: Farewell party for someone who has already left. - Robert Byrne

On Easter Day the veil between time and eternity thins to gossamer. - Douglas Horton

Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there. - Clarence W Hall

Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings

Unless there is a Good Friday in your life, there can be no Easter Sunday. - Fulton J Sheen

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

The very first Easter taught us this: that life never ends and love never dies. - Kate McGahan

For I remember it is Easter morn, and life and love and peace are all new born. - Alice F Palmer

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. - Amy Sedaris

Our old history ends with the cross; our new history begins with the resurrection. - Watchman Nee

The story of Easter is the story of God's wonderful window of divine surprise. - Carl Knudsen

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed - I never knew they worked. - Les Dawson

Easter is the demonstration of God that life is essentially spiritual and timeless. - Charles M Crowe

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song. - Pope John Paul II

Easter is the only time when it's perfectly safe to put all of your eggs in one basket. - Evan Esar

Easter is a time when God turned the inevitability of death into the invincibility of life. - Craig D Loundsbrough

Christ appeared alive on several occasions after the cataclysmic events of that first Easter. - Josh McDowell

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz

The resurrection is at the core of our beliefs as Christians. Without it, our faith is meaningless. - Joseph B Wirthlin

To a Christian, Easter Sunday means everything, when we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. - Bernhard Langer

We proclaim the resurrection of Christ when his light illuminates the dark moments of our existence. - Pope Francis

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection, not in books alone but in every leaf in springtime. - Martin Luther

Let the resurrection joy lift us from loneliness and weakness and despair to strength and beauty and happiness. - Floyd W Tomkins

The resurrection gives my life meaning and direction and the opportunity to start over no matter what my circumstances. - Robert Flatt

The Easter egg symbolizes our ability to break out of the hardened, protective shell we've surrounded ourselves with. - Siobhan Shaw

The symbolic language of the crucifixion is the death of the old paradigm; resurrection is a leap into a whole new way of thinking. - Deepak Chopra

It goes back to Christianity's affiliation with Judaism as Passover. Easter is as important to Christians as Passover is to the Jews. - Glenn Duffy

Secretary: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law." WC Fields: "Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible." - WC Fields

Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics. - Marvin Olasky


see also   Easter  Section
Donald Trump Visits Israel

After Easter Bunny
Blonde’s Meaning of Easter
Broken Egg
Bunny Calendar
Chocolate Easter Bunnies
Chocolate Easter Eggs
Chocolate Math
Colour Car
Did You Say Happy Easter?
Dying Pope’s Last Request
Easter Bunny’s Hare Spray
Easter Bunny’s Rude Awakening
Easter Bunny Wisdom
Easter Canceled
Easter Car
Easter Cats
Easter Egg Drop-outs
Easter Elephant Eggs
Easter Identity Theft
Easter Sudoku Puzzle
Easter Yolks
Egg Couch
Egg Separator
Egg Walk
Eggs with Eyes
Eggsellent Close Shave
Eggsellent Friends
Facebook Fear
Firm Egg
Forgotten Easter Eggs
Golfer’s Breakfast
Happy Easter, Big Guy
Happy Keester
Hare Five
Hoppy Easter
How Easter Eggs Are Made
How Many Eggs?
Identity Theft
Jerusalem Obituary,  33 A.D.
Leaving A Good Impression
Missed Palm Sunday
Pine Trees Know When It’s Easter
Purrrfect Disguise
Rabbit or Duck?
Stuffed Bunny
Texas Easter Bunny
The Rules of Chocolate
The Crucifixion
The Resurrection
What Happened?
What’s In Easter?

 

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06-Jun-2020