Three guys go through an exit interview at a mental hospital. The doctor says he can release them if they can answer the simple mathematical problem: “What is 8 times 5?”
The first patient says, “139.”
The second one says, “Wednesday.”
The third says, “What a stupid question. It’s obvious: The answer is 40.”
The doctor is delighted. He gives the third guy his release. As the man is leaving, the doctor asks how he came up with the correct answer so quickly.
“It was easy, Doc. I just divided Wednesday into 139.”
Treat the patient, not the X-ray. - James M. Hunter
Caring is the essence of nursing. - Jean Watson
The patient always lies on the couch. - Unknown
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
Mental clarity ain't for the faint of heart. - Katerina Stoykova Klemer
Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb
Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale
Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical. - Yogi Berra
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret Thatcher
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Character is the result of two things: Mental attitude and the way we spend our time. - Elbert Green Hubbard
You'll never have any mental muscle if you don't have any heavy stuff to pick up. - Diane Lane
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Believe in the reasonable decency of the brethren; patients are not stolen — they run away. - Martin H. Fischer
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
Let the young know they will never find a more interesting, more instructive book than the patient himself. - Giorgio Baglivi
If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia. - Margaret Atwood
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Tooth decay was a perennial problem that meant a mouthful of silver for patients, and for dentists a pocketful of gold. - Claudia Wallis
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
It is easier to lead men to combat, stirring up their passion, than to restrain them and direct them toward the patient labors of peace. - Andre Gide
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers. - Charles W. Eliot
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
Caring is the essence of nursing. - Jean Watson
The patient always lies on the couch. - Unknown
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
Mental clarity ain't for the faint of heart. - Katerina Stoykova Klemer
Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb
Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale
Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical. - Yogi Berra
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret Thatcher
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Character is the result of two things: Mental attitude and the way we spend our time. - Elbert Green Hubbard
You'll never have any mental muscle if you don't have any heavy stuff to pick up. - Diane Lane
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Believe in the reasonable decency of the brethren; patients are not stolen — they run away. - Martin H. Fischer
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
Let the young know they will never find a more interesting, more instructive book than the patient himself. - Giorgio Baglivi
If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia. - Margaret Atwood
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Tooth decay was a perennial problem that meant a mouthful of silver for patients, and for dentists a pocketful of gold. - Claudia Wallis
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
It is easier to lead men to combat, stirring up their passion, than to restrain them and direct them toward the patient labors of peace. - Andre Gide
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers. - Charles W. Eliot
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
see also Hospital & Medical Sections
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Colorectal Exam For Dogs
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08-Apr-2020 |