Dear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv bena gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy, Nice spelling! You’re on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell
Santa
Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah, You’re parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they? Santa
Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor. Love, Susan
Dear Susan, milk gives me the skitters and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch. Santa
Dear Santa, Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m skipping your house. Santa
Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy
Timmy, that whiney begging may work with your folks, but that crap doesn’t work with me. You’re getting a sweater again. Santa
Dearest Santa, We don’t have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky
Mark, first, stop calling yourself “Marky,” that’s why you’re getting butt whipped at school. Second, you don’t live in a house; you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa
QuotaBillsSanta's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker
Open your mail over the wastebasket. - Jeff Davidson
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace
Housewarming: The last call for wedding presents - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Ecrastinate: Checking your e-mail just one more time - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. - Garth Brooks
Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. - Ruth Ann Schabacker
Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. - Steven Wright
Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison
I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail. - Luciano Pavarotti
Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
He that respects himself is safe from others, he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
The purpose of life is to discover your gifts, and the meaning of life is to give them away. - Martin Seligman
One of the most important gifts we have in television - the ability to heal through laughter. - Soleil M Frye
I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up. - Sarah Jessica Parker
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright
I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey
We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas
Technology is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other. - Carrie Snow
The new information technology (Internet and e-mail) have practically eliminated the physical costs of communications. - Peter F Drucker
We are all born with a grab bag on gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money. - Bill O'Reilly
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz
Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon
see also Christmas Section
Bird Stocking
Christmas Balls
Christmas Bro-quet
Christmas Budget
Christmas Dinner Made Easy
Christmas Fireplace Tip
Christmas Hedgehog
Christmas Light Installation
Christmas Pencil Sharpener
Christmas Possessions To Enter Heaven
Christmas Thrones
Female Santa
Firefighter Decorations
Forget The Present
Gingerbread Star Wars Walker
Heathen’s Greetings
Holiday Bike
Jingle Cats’ White Christmas
Merry House
Office Party Grinch
Recession Christmas Tree
Redneck Christmas Sleigh
Reindeer Strike
Santa Claws Is Coming To Town
Santa Elephant
Santa For Kids
Santa Stop Lights
Santa’s Last Stop For Mexican Food
Santa’s Scooter Sleigh
Saskatchewan Entrepreneur
Save Santa The Trip
Signs of Christmas Everywhere
Texas Hood Ornament
Three Wise Men
Three Wise Women
Walking In A Doggie Wonderland
|  A Man Named Fred
|  Texas Wheel Mags
|  Redneck Combo Plumbing
|  Parking Squeeze
|  Tree Barking
|  Elephant Sunset
|  TP Safety
|  Locked Up Bull Elk
|  Duck Crossing
|  Peeping Snake
|  Hydro Water Power
|  Cutting Edge Delivery
|  Baby Scan
|  Redneck Mirror
|  Skateboard Statue
|  WipeOut
|  Turtle Truck
|  How To Burn Fat
|  Unplugged
|  Praying & Preying Mantis
| |
    
|