The Rules of Chocolate

Are you eating too slowly?


If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite and you’ll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn’t that handy?

If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other?

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.

Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.


QuotaBills
I'm a woman who wants her chocolate. - Jessica Simpson

I am a chocolatarian. I only eat chocolate. - Unknown

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

Seven days without chocolate makes one weak. - Unknown

Chocolate is what I love. I have it every day. - Jennifer Hudson

Behind every good woman is a lot of chocolate. - Unknown

Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! - Unknown

Anything is good if it's made of chocolate. - Jo Brand

We have chocolate in common - that's enough. - Rachel Hollis

When no one understands you, chocolate is there. - Daniel Worona

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

It does seem like the chocolate brings good luck. - Lauren Oliver

Sometimes a girl's gotta have some chocolate. - Carrie Underwood

If it's not chocolate, it's not breakfast. - Laini Taylor

I'm not overweight, I'm chocolate enriched. - Unknown

Caramels are a fad. Chocolate is a permanent thing. - Milton Hershey

Chocolate is more than a food, but less than a drug. - R J Huxtable

Things are getting worse. Please send more chocolate. - Unknown

To me, chocolate was the sole reason we on this earth. - Esi Edugyan

If there's no chocolate in Heaven, I'm not going. - Jane Seabrook

Look, there's no metaphysics on earth like chocolates. - Fernando Pessoa

To chocolate or not to chocolate... is there any question? - Unknown

When we don't have the words, chocolate can speak volumes. - Joan Bauer

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions. Chocolate understands. - Unknown

Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies. - Unknown

Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food. - Michael Levine

Some say women are addicted to chocolate. I say we're merely loyal. - Cathy Guisewite

Chocolate is something you take for granted until you don't have any. - Marja McGraw

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. - Linda Grayson

The 12-step chocolate program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate! - Terry Moore

If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. - Unknown

Some people are chocolate and sweets people. I love French fried. That and caviar. - Cameron Diaz

Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter Sweet. Alive. - Joanne Harris

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. - Forrest Gump

Money can't buy happiness. But, it can buy a chocolate, which is pretty much the same thing. - Hanako Ishii

There's no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. - Nanci Rathbun

Dear Diamond,
We all know who is really a girl's best friend.
Yours sincerely,
Chocolate Cake - Unknown

Put 'eat chocolate' at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. - Unknown

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. - Robert Orben

"Exercise" is such a dirty word in my household that whenever I even think of it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. - Leonore Fleischer


see also   Chocolate  Section
Chocolate Bed
Chocolate Chip Cookies for Engineers & Scientists
Chocolate Couch
Chocolate Easter Eggs
Chocolate Math
Eat Your Vegetables

 

Fox Hunting Madness

Emperor Penguins

The Side Effects of Veganism

Stair Railing Electrician

Cold Faucet

Make Womb For Baby

Hardtail Bike

Birth Control Kit

Come-Back Line Of The Year

Duck Gears

Chewing Gum Hazard

Keyboard Seating

Bent Over

Whatchamacallit Car

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Gone To Market

Peak Bernie

Female IT Experts

Obi-Juan Kenobi

Fuse ReplaceMeant
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

27-Jan-2021