Once Is Never Enough

Secret to servicing hens


A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”

So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. “Randy,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.

Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn’t stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.

Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, “Stop, Randy, you’ll kill yourself!” But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.

The farmer walked up to Randy saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you, little buddy.”

“Shhhhh,” Randy whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer...”


QuotaBills
The name Pavlov rings a bell. - Unknown

Let's make hay while it lasts. - James Lovelock

Cursing the weather is never good farming. - English Proverb

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. - Bob Hope

Do not count your chickens before they are hatched. - Aesop

A good farm is recognized as good partly by its beauty. - Wendell Berry

Eating and reading are two pleasures that combine admirably. - C S Lewis

No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind. - George E. Woodbury

Corn can't expect justice from a court composed of chickens. - African Proverb

Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer. - Will Rodgers

Work and pray, live on hay, you'll get pie in the sky when you die. - Joe Hill

The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown

A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White

We need more young people involved in farming because the future needs real food. - Helena Sylvester

Farmers don't just work til the sun goes down; they work til the job gets done. - Unknown

My mother is no spring chicken although she has got as many chemicals in her as one. - Edna Everage

Don't let your dreams rust! Listen to your youthful bells ringing loud inside of you. - Bernard Kelvin Clive

Underachiever: An employee who has squatters right on the far left side of the bell curve - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

In times of great stress or adversity, plow your anger and your energy into something positive. - Lee Iacocca

Life on a farm is a school of patience. You can't hurry the crops or make an ox in two days. - Haneri Liogier

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

When tillage begins, other arts follow. The farmers, therefore, are the founders of human civilization. - Daniel Webster

Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower

The attempt to combine wisdom and power has only rarely been successful, and then only for a short while. - Albert Einstein

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

Tension: 1. The price you pay for being a race horse instead of a plow horse; 2. What the sergeant shouts to his soldiers. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

He who learns the rules of wisdom without conforming to them in his life is like a man who plows in his field but does not sow. - Saadi

When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle. - Edmund Burke

A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he'll never crow. I have seen the light and I'm crowing. - Muhammad Ali

The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved, the pig was committed. - Unknown

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell


see also   Farm  Section
Cat Nap
Chick Incubator
Family Reunion
Flamingo Imposter
Hen Pecked
Mom Lookout
Rooster Retirement
Super Hen

 

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Starbucks Goes Extra Mile

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His First Hot Rod

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Upended Water Buffalo

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Cold Beer

Grandma Safety

Partial Flight

Scenic View

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Water Skier A-Head Of His Time

Owlympics Ice Skating

Shining Armor Knight

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05-Aug-2021