Once Is Never Enough

Secret to servicing hens


A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”

So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. “Randy,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.

Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn’t stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.

Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, “Stop, Randy, you’ll kill yourself!” But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.

The farmer walked up to Randy saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you, little buddy.”

“Shhhhh,” Randy whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer...”


QuotaBills
Organic Farm: Tilling like it is - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Farmers are the salt of the earth. - Unknown

Let's make hay while it lasts. - James Lovelock

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

I take my vacation on the combine and tractor. - Jon Tester

Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. - It's a Wonderful Life

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. - Bob Hope

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

We need more young people involved in farming because the future needs real food. - Helena Sylvester

Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead. - Les Brown

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate. - Unknown

Farmers don't just work til the sun goes down; they work til the job gets done. - Unknown

Abundance: 1. Big party held in a bakery; 2. A social event held in a farm building. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Put blinders on and plow right ahead. - George Lucas

Underachiever: An employee who has squatters right on the far left side of the bell curve - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? - Seymour Cray

This momentous question, like a fire bell in the night, awakened and filled me with terror. - Thomas Jefferson

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow

In times of great stress or adversity, plow your anger and your energy into something positive. - Lee Iacocca

Life on a farm is a school of patience. You can't hurry the crops or make an ox in two days. - Haneri Liogier

My brother thinks he's a chicken.
We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. - Groucho Marx

It is only the farmer who faithfully plants seeds in the Spring, who reaps a harvest in the Autumn. - B C Forbes

The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg. - Unknown

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? - Tom Barrett

When tillage begins, other arts follow. The farmers, therefore, are the founders of human civilization. - Daniel Webster

The attempt to combine wisdom and power has only rarely been successful, and then only for a short while. - Albert Einstein

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

He who learns the rules of wisdom without conforming to them in his life is like a man who plows in his field but does not sow. - Saadi

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

I dream of the realization of the unity of Africa, whereby its leaders combine in their efforts to solve the problems of this continent. - Nelson Mandela

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

Music embodies feeling without forcing it to contend and combine with thought, as it is forced in most arts and especially in the art of words. - Franz Liszt


see also   Farm  Section
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Chick Incubator
Family Reunion
Flamingo Imposter
Hen Pecked
Mom Lookout
Rooster Retirement
Super Hen

 

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17-Apr-2021