A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”
So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a
little pep talk. “Randy,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.
Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn’t stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.
Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, “Stop, Randy, you’ll kill yourself!” But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.
The farmer walked up to Randy saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you, little buddy.”
“Shhhhh,” Randy whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer...”
Farmers are the salt of the earth. - Unknown
Let's make hay while it lasts. - James Lovelock
Deviled Eggs: What wicked chickens lay - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Cursing the weather is never good farming. - English Proverb
The thicker the hay, the easier it is mowed. - Alaric the Goth
You can't hatch chickens from fried eggs. - German Proverb
I take my vacation on the combine and tractor. - Jon Tester
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. - Bob Hope
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? - George Carlin
I had rather be on my farm than be emperor of the world. - George Washington
There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes. - David Coleman
Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg
The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer. - Will Rodgers
The best comfort food will always be greens, cornbread, and fried chicken. - Maya Angelou
Never knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run away. Death hates that. - Matt Frewer
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem
We need more young people involved in farming because the future needs real food. - Helena Sylvester
Farmers don't just work til the sun goes down; they work til the job gets done. - Unknown
Abundance: 1. Big party held in a bakery; 2. A social event held in a farm building. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson
Don't let your dreams rust! Listen to your youthful bells ringing loud inside of you. - Bernard Kelvin Clive
Underachiever: An employee who has squatters right on the far left side of the bell curve - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown
I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry
Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb
The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow
The first farmer was the first man, and all historic nobility rests on possession and use of land. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore
There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson
When tillage begins, other arts follow. The farmers, therefore, are the founders of human civilization. - Daniel Webster
I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker
Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower
The attempt to combine wisdom and power has only rarely been successful, and then only for a short while. - Albert Einstein
In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright
I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson
He who learns the rules of wisdom without conforming to them in his life is like a man who plows in his field but does not sow. - Saadi
I like a well-roasted rotisserie chicken and eggs cooked various ways like sunny-side up or scrambled. It's comfort food for me. - Joel Robuchion
I dream of the realization of the unity of Africa, whereby its leaders combine in their efforts to solve the problems of this continent. - Nelson Mandela
Music embodies feeling without forcing it to contend and combine with thought, as it is forced in most arts and especially in the art of words. - Franz Liszt
see also Farm Section
Cat Nap
Chick Incubator
Family Reunion
Flamingo Imposter
Hen Pecked
Mom Lookout
Rooster Retirement
Super Hen
 Frozen Fish Meal |  Bacon Wrapped Onion Rings |  T-Rex Shadow |  Camel Parking |  Cheat of the Year |
 Born To Be Wild |  Why I Wear 2 Masks |  Welfare State |  Redneck Wedding Cake |  Blonde Gears |
 Party Direction Sign |  House 'Broke'rage |  'Piece of Cake' Resignation Letter |  Bee Safe |  Catfish Noodling |
 I'm A Believer |  Sewing Sculpture |  Greatest Italian Riders |  Batman Recession |  Sinus Remedy - How To Clear Out Your Nostrils |
25-Sep-2020 |