A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”
So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a
little pep talk. “Randy,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.
Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn’t stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.
Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, “Stop, Randy, you’ll kill yourself!” But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.
The farmer walked up to Randy saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you, little buddy.”
“Shhhhh,” Randy whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer...”
Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker
Cursing the weather is never good farming. - English Proverb
The thicker the hay, the easier it is mowed. - Alaric the Goth
You can't hatch chickens from fried eggs. - German Proverb
I take my vacation on the combine and tractor. - Jon Tester
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx
Do not count your chickens before they are hatched. - Aesop
No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind. - George E. Woodbury
Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg
Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, farm boy. - Han Solo
We better not, ya know, kill our chickens before they cross the road. - Archie Bunker
If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal
Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson
We seem to want one vehicle to carry people and soccer balls and hay bales. - Franz von Holzhausen
A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White
I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson
Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson
Don't let your dreams rust! Listen to your youthful bells ringing loud inside of you. - Bernard Kelvin Clive
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? - Seymour Cray
Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown
If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan
This momentous question, like a fire bell in the night, awakened and filled me with terror. - Thomas Jefferson
I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry
Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb
Cajun is country food by farmers and fisherman that arrived in Louisiana from Acadiana, Canada. - Paul Prudhomme
The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow
The first farmer was the first man, and all historic nobility rests on possession and use of land. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg. - Unknown
Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal
If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? - Tom Barrett
There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson
I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker
Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower
Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot
Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa
He who learns the rules of wisdom without conforming to them in his life is like a man who plows in his field but does not sow. - Saadi
It's life, isn't it? You plow ahead and make a hit. And you plow on and someone passes you. Then someone passes them. Time levels. - Katharine Hepburn
What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell
see also Farm Section
Cat Nap
Chick Incubator
Family Reunion
Flamingo Imposter
Hen Pecked
Mom Lookout
Rooster Retirement
Super Hen
 Extreme Soccer |  Barcode Eyelashes |  Hot Rod Yellow |  Got An Idea |  Roman Segway Chariot |
 In Stock Guarantee |  King Salmon Meal |  Cowmodo Dragon |  Punctuation Matters |  Arm Chair |
 Horse Hairstyle |  Dent Wizard |  Sole Casket |  Windscreen Spoon |  Fence Sitter |
 New College Game Show |  Hands On Tree |  Road Shortcut |  Running Tears |  Swingers |
22-Nov-2019 |