Once Is Never Enough

Secret to servicing hens


A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”

So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. “Randy,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.

Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn’t stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.

Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, “Stop, Randy, you’ll kill yourself!” But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.

The farmer walked up to Randy saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you, little buddy.”

“Shhhhh,” Randy whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer...”


QuotaBills
Farming is a profession of hope. - Brian Brett

I'm too drunk to taste this chicken. - Colonel Sanders

I take my vacation on the combine and tractor. - Jon Tester

Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. - It's a Wonderful Life

Eve: The first chicken to ruin a man's garden - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. - Bob Hope

A good farm is recognized as good partly by its beauty. - Wendell Berry

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? - George Carlin

Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell. - Shana Alexander

There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes. - David Coleman

Farmers: Men successful only if they sell their farms to golf clubs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown

The best comfort food will always be greens, cornbread, and fried chicken. - Maya Angelou

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

Never knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run away. Death hates that. - Matt Frewer

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate. - Unknown

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

Put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Put blinders on and plow right ahead. - George Lucas

Don't let your dreams rust! Listen to your youthful bells ringing loud inside of you. - Bernard Kelvin Clive

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

This momentous question, like a fire bell in the night, awakened and filled me with terror. - Thomas Jefferson

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

Cajun is country food by farmers and fisherman that arrived in Louisiana from Acadiana, Canada. - Paul Prudhomme

The first farmer was the first man, and all historic nobility rests on possession and use of land. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland

When tillage begins, other arts follow. The farmers, therefore, are the founders of human civilization. - Daniel Webster

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis

Some wish to live within the sound of church or chapel bell; I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of hell. - C.T. Studd

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

Tension: 1. The price you pay for being a race horse instead of a plow horse; 2. What the sergeant shouts to his soldiers. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

It's life, isn't it? You plow ahead and make a hit. And you plow on and someone passes you. Then someone passes them. Time levels. - Katharine Hepburn

Music embodies feeling without forcing it to contend and combine with thought, as it is forced in most arts and especially in the art of words. - Franz Liszt


see also   Farm  Section
Cat Nap
Chick Incubator
Family Reunion
Flamingo Imposter
Hen Pecked
Mom Lookout
Rooster Retirement
Super Hen

 

Bland Entrance

Cruising Advice

Cat Dugout

Open Drive Through

Secret Revealed

Tired Flagpole

Bent Car Sculpture

Cow Jacket

Thanks For Noticing

Overflow Truck Garden

Beach Sign Training

Encouraging Seal

GMC Pool

Nature Calls

You're Home Early

New Nail Gun

Long Noodles

EMS Upgrade

No Pot Of Gold

Graduation Swag
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

25-May-2022