Once Is Never Enough

Secret to servicing hens


A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”

So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. “Randy,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.

Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn’t stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.

Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, “Stop, Randy, you’ll kill yourself!” But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.

The farmer walked up to Randy saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you, little buddy.”

“Shhhhh,” Randy whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer...”


QuotaBills
The name Pavlov rings a bell. - Unknown

Farming is a profession of hope. - Brian Brett

Farmers are the salt of the earth. - Unknown

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

Cursing the weather is never good farming. - English Proverb

The thicker the hay, the easier it is mowed. - Alaric the Goth

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. - Bob Hope

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

Do not count your chickens before they are hatched. - Aesop

A good farm is recognized as good partly by its beauty. - Wendell Berry

Eating and reading are two pleasures that combine admirably. - C S Lewis

No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind. - George E. Woodbury

Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown

We seem to want one vehicle to carry people and soccer balls and hay bales. - Franz von Holzhausen

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

We need more young people involved in farming because the future needs real food. - Helena Sylvester

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Farmers don't just work til the sun goes down; they work til the job gets done. - Unknown

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

Put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Put blinders on and plow right ahead. - George Lucas

Don't let your dreams rust! Listen to your youthful bells ringing loud inside of you. - Bernard Kelvin Clive

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

Cajun is country food by farmers and fisherman that arrived in Louisiana from Acadiana, Canada. - Paul Prudhomme

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow

My brother thinks he's a chicken.
We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. - Groucho Marx

I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

He who learns the rules of wisdom without conforming to them in his life is like a man who plows in his field but does not sow. - Saadi

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he'll never crow. I have seen the light and I'm crowing. - Muhammad Ali

I dream of the realization of the unity of Africa, whereby its leaders combine in their efforts to solve the problems of this continent. - Nelson Mandela

Music embodies feeling without forcing it to contend and combine with thought, as it is forced in most arts and especially in the art of words. - Franz Liszt


see also   Farm  Section
Cat Nap
Chick Incubator
Family Reunion
Flamingo Imposter
Hen Pecked
Mom Lookout
Rooster Retirement
Super Hen

 

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03-Dec-2020