A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”
So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a
little pep talk. “Randy,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.
Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn’t stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.
Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, “Stop, Randy, you’ll kill yourself!” But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.
The farmer walked up to Randy saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you, little buddy.”
“Shhhhh,” Randy whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer...”
Cursing the weather is never good farming. - English Proverb
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. - Unknown
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx
Do not count your chickens before they are hatched. - Aesop
Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell. - Shana Alexander
No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind. - George E. Woodbury
Corn can't expect justice from a court composed of chickens. - African Proverb
Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg
Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, farm boy. - Han Solo
We better not, ya know, kill our chickens before they cross the road. - Archie Bunker
If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal
Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson
It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. - Unknown
Work and pray, live on hay, you'll get pie in the sky when you die. - Joe Hill
The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown
We seem to want one vehicle to carry people and soccer balls and hay bales. - Franz von Holzhausen
A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White
I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson
I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner
Don't let your dreams rust! Listen to your youthful bells ringing loud inside of you. - Bernard Kelvin Clive
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? - Seymour Cray
Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown
I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry
Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb
My brother thinks he's a chicken.
We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. - Groucho Marx
Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland
I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal
If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? - Tom Barrett
I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis
Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot
I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson
The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower
When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle. - Edmund Burke
I like a well-roasted rotisserie chicken and eggs cooked various ways like sunny-side up or scrambled. It's comfort food for me. - Joel Robuchion
The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved, the pig was committed. - Unknown
It's life, isn't it? You plow ahead and make a hit. And you plow on and someone passes you. Then someone passes them. Time levels. - Katharine Hepburn
What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell
Music embodies feeling without forcing it to contend and combine with thought, as it is forced in most arts and especially in the art of words. - Franz Liszt
see also Farm Section
Cat Nap
Chick Incubator
Family Reunion
Flamingo Imposter
Hen Pecked
Mom Lookout
Rooster Retirement
Super Hen
 Nerd Shaving |  Beethoven's Teacher |  Coke's Special Ingredients |  Weather Warning |  Freedom At Last |
 Ebola Can Be Eaten |  Open Face Sandwich |  Busted Politician |  Balanced Diet |  African Wheelbarrow |
 Drain Swimmer |  Just In Thyme |  Tie Wrap Bumper |  Mexican Salad Dressing |  Leaning Bookshelves |
 Shrunk Jeep |  Quarantine Garden |  Casualty Way |  Painfull Skydive |  You Are Grounded |
02-Apr-2020 |