Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, “Let’s go over to that bar and get something to drink.”
The guy with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”
The one with the Doberman said, “Just follow my lead.” They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar.
The bouncer at the door said, “Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed.”
The man with the Doberman said, “You don’t understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog.”
The bouncer said, “A Doberman Pinscher?”
The man said, “Yes, they’re using them now. They’re very good.”
The bouncer said, “OK then, come on in.”
The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he’d try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. He knew his story would be a bit more unbelievable. Once again the bouncer said, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.”
The man with the Chihuahua said, “You don’t understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog.”
The bouncer said, “A Chihuahua?”
The man with the Chihuahua said, “A Chihuahua?!? A Chihuahua?!? They gave me a darn Chihuahua?”
In wine, there is truth. - Pliny the Elder
Save water - drink vodka. - Unknown
I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed
Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown
You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker
When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller
Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas
Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown
Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney
Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning
If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin
Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright
If a man be great, even his dog will ear a proud look. - Japanese Proverb
Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper
Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones
I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown
In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best
You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine
Observe your dog: if he's fat, then you're not getting enough exercise. - Evan Esar
Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers
I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart
I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy
Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields
I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright
There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid
Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown
When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron
My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney
A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke
In those days the best painkiller was ice. It wasn't addictive, and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it. - George Burns
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison
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01-Jul-2022 |