Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, “Let’s go over to that bar and get something to drink.” Colic: A sheep dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com In wine, there is truth. - Pliny the Elder Save water - drink vodka. - Unknown I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright If a man be great, even his dog will ear a proud look. - Japanese Proverb Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine Observe your dog: if he's fat, then you're not getting enough exercise. - Evan Esar Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke In those days the best painkiller was ice. It wasn't addictive, and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it. - George Burns Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison see also Bartender & Dog Sections |
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