Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, “Let’s go over to that bar and get something to drink.”
The guy with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”
The one with the Doberman said, “Just follow my lead.” They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar.
The bouncer at the door said, “Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed.”
The man with the Doberman said, “You don’t understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog.”
The bouncer said, “A Doberman Pinscher?”
The man said, “Yes, they’re using them now. They’re very good.”
The bouncer said, “OK then, come on in.”
The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he’d try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. He knew his story would be a bit more unbelievable. Once again the bouncer said, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.”
The man with the Chihuahua said, “You don’t understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog.”
The bouncer said, “A Chihuahua?”
The man with the Chihuahua said, “A Chihuahua?!? A Chihuahua?!? They gave me a darn Chihuahua?”
Every dog has his day. - Unknown
Wine is bottled poetry. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash
I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn
You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffet
Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown
Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin
Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright
There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson
Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown
What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman
The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill
Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano
In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown
I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare
Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain
Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII
I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown
A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur
A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings
Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany
New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx
It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno
For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott
An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut
I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde
I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner
Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron
Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia
Wine is bottled poetry. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash
I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn
You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffet
Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown
Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin
Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright
There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson
Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown
What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman
The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill
Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano
In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown
I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare
Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain
Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII
I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown
A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur
A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings
Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany
New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx
It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno
For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott
An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut
I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde
I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner
Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron
Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia
see also Bartender & Dog Sections
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