It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Chocolate cake is the bomb! - Scarlett Pomers
Old age comes at a bad time. - Sue Banducci
It's never too late for chocolate. - Unknown
A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown
When coffee dreams, it dreams of chocolate. - Unknown
When no one understands you, chocolate is there. - Daniel Worona
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Sometimes a girl's gotta have some chocolate. - Carrie Underwood
I'd give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter. - Unknown
If there's no chocolate in Heaven, I'm not going. - Jane Seabrook
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man. - Leon Trotsky
Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food. - Michael Levine
Some say women are addicted to chocolate. I say we're merely loyal. - Cathy Guisewite
Young men soon give, and soon forget, affronts; old age is slow in both. - Joseph Addison
Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown
I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake. - Unknown
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. - Charles M. Schulz
There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. - Linda Grayson
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Francis Bacon
The 12-step chocolate program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate! - Terry Moore
More people would live to a ripe old age if they weren't too busy providing for it. - Unknown
Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle
The greatest tragedies were written by the Greeks and Shakespeare... neither knew chocolate. - Sandra Boynton
Money can't buy happiness. But, it can buy a chocolate, which is pretty much the same thing. - Hanako Ishii
When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. - Victor Hugo
In absence of clearly defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily acts of trivia. - Unknown
I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson
There's no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. - Nanci Rathbun
I'm learning in my old age that the only thing you can do to keep your sanity is to stay in the moment. - Willem Dafoe
Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week. - Maggie Kuhn
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. - George Burns
You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain
I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes
When you're stressed, eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. - Unknown
Put 'eat chocolate' at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. - Unknown
Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. - Robert Orben
"Exercise" is such a dirty word in my household that whenever I even think of it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. - Leonore Fleischer
In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it. - Robert Heinlein
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Hooters Face Mask
Titanic's Non-Romantic Scene
2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)
No Time For This
Best Fairy Tale
Back In Five Minutes
If IKEA Ran GM