It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Chocolate never faileth. - Annette Lyon
Old age is life's parody. - Simone de Beauvoir
To stop aging, keep on raging. - Michael Forbes
Old age is the verdict of life. - Amelia E Barr
Old age is no place for sissies. - Bette Davis
It's never too late for chocolate. - Unknown
I hope your only rocky road is chocolate. - Amanda Mosher
Old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Bernard Baruch
A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown
Old age is like underwear, it creeps up on you. - Unknown
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
If youth had but the knowledge and old age the strength. - French Proverb
One of the many pleasures of old age is giving things up. - Malcolm Muggeridge
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. - Daniel F E Auber
Coffee and chocolate - the inventor of mocha should be sainted. - Cherise Sinclair
Never have I enjoyed youth so thoroughly as I have in my old age. - George Santayana
Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies. - Unknown
The tragedy of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young. - Oscar Wilde
In Heaven, chocolate has no calories and is served as the main course. - Unknown
Old age at least gives me an excuse for not being very good at things. - Thomas Sowell
There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. - Linda Grayson
Moderation, honey, in all things but love and chocolate. That's my motto. - Barbara Bretton
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Francis Bacon
Sure I'm for helping the elderly. I'm going to be old myself some day. - Lillian Carter
If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. - Unknown
Some people are chocolate and sweets people. I love French fried. That and caviar. - Cameron Diaz
Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. - Fred Astaire
Dreams are excursions into the limbo of things, a semi-deliverance from the human prison. - Henri Amiel
My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson
Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke
There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson
Then she thought bitterly that it would be much easier to resist chocolate if her life were less stressful. - J K Rowling
The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm. - Aldous Huxley
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go. - Brooks Atkinson
Put 'eat chocolate' at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. - Unknown
Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. - Robert Orben
I'm pretty sure that eating chocolate keeps wrinkles away because I have never seen a 10 year old with a Hershey bar and crows feet. - Amy Neftzger
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Scenery Cut and Paste
2022 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars
Winter Traffic Lights
Inline Motorcycle Skates
Newfie Cab Driver - Can You Guess His Number?
Nothing Can Stop Me Now
Can You Find the Hidden Bird?
Canadian Winter Smile
Age Comes With Convenience
Wife Of The Year