It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Chocolate never faileth. - Annette Lyon
Chocolate cake is the bomb! - Scarlett Pomers
Old age comes at a bad time. - Sue Banducci
To stop aging, keep on raging. - Michael Forbes
Old age is the verdict of life. - Amelia E Barr
It's never too late for chocolate. - Unknown
I'm a woman who wants her chocolate. - Jessica Simpson
I owe it all to little chocolate doughnuts. - John Belushi
I am a chocolatarian. I only eat chocolate. - Unknown
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Coffee,chocolate, men. The richer the better! - Unknown
Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! - Unknown
In the cookie of life, friends are chocolate chips. - Salman Rushdie
Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur
The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde
Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative. - Maurice Chevalier
I know I can't cheat death, but I can cheat old age. - Darwin Deason
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. - Phyllis Diller
Coffee and chocolate - the inventor of mocha should be sainted. - Cherise Sinclair
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
Never have I enjoyed youth so thoroughly as I have in my old age. - George Santayana
Chocolate is medicinal. I just did another study that confirms it. - Michelle M. Pillow
I defended the republic in my youth; I will not desert it in old age. - Cicero
I only eat chocolate for you... so there'll be more of me to love! - Unknown
I need God's grace and something baked with peanut butter and chocolate. - Gloria Furman
The 12-step chocolate program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate! - Terry Moore
How incessant and great are the ills with which a prolonged old age is replete. - C S Lewis
Mirror: A truthful reflector shunned by vampires, hypocrites and aging fashion models - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
More people would live to a ripe old age if they weren't too busy providing for it. - Unknown
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a plant. Therefore, chocolate counts as salad. The End. - Unknown
My comfort is, that old age, that ill layer-up of beauty, can do no more spoil upon my face. - William Shakespeare
When it comes to old age we're all in the same boat, only some of us have been aboard a little longer. - Leo Probst
Then she thought bitterly that it would be much easier to resist chocolate if her life were less stressful. - J K Rowling
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. - George Burns
In old age we are like a batch of letters that someone has sent. We are no longer in the post, we have arrived. - Knut Hamsun
We all know who is really a girl's best friend.
Chocolate Cake - Unknown
Whenever I have a spare second, I'm in the kitchen whipping up a batch of cookies. I make a mean batch of chocolate chippers. - Karlie Kloss
In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it. - Robert Heinlein
Not one of them who took up in his youth with his opinion that there are no gods ever continued until old age faithful to his conviction. - Plato
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Senior Eye Exam
Young Rock Star
Powerplant Swimsuit Models
Grow Food, Not Lawns
Long Yellow Things
Ants Know When Something Is Fake
Despicable Wood Stove