It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Chocolate never faileth. - Annette Lyon
Old age comes at a bad time. - Sue Banducci
Cherish youth, but trust old age. - Pueblo Proverb
It's never too late for chocolate. - Unknown
Books and chocolate make life bearable. - Unknown
Chocolate is what I love. I have it every day. - Jennifer Hudson
Behind every good woman is a lot of chocolate. - Unknown
Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! - Unknown
To me, chocolate was the sole reason we on this earth. - Esi Edugyan
If chocolate is the answer, the question is irrelevant. - Kim Knott
If there's no chocolate in Heaven, I'm not going. - Jane Seabrook
One of the many pleasures of old age is giving things up. - Malcolm Muggeridge
Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. - Daniel F E Auber
The old age of an eagle is better than the youth of a sparrow. - Proverb
I only eat chocolate for you... so there'll be more of me to love! - Unknown
In Heaven, chocolate has no calories and is served as the main course. - Unknown
Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores
Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill
I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake. - Unknown
There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. - Linda Grayson
The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan
What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a lifetime of chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
We look forward to a disorderly, vigorous, unhonored and disreputable old age. - Don Marquis
Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. - Dorothy Canfield Fisher
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers
Old age has its pleasures, which, though different, are not less than the pleasures of youth. - W Somerset Maugham
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do. - Golda Meir
In absence of clearly defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily acts of trivia. - Unknown
There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson
The elderly don't drive that badly; they're just the only ones with time to do the speed limit. - Jason Love
While we drink, and call for garlands, for perfumes and for maidens, old age is creeping on us unperceived. - Juvenal
I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes
One should never make one's debut in a scandal. One should reserve that to give interest to one's old age. - Oscar Wilde
Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go. - Brooks Atkinson
A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke
When you're stressed, eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. - Unknown
I'm pretty sure that eating chocolate keeps wrinkles away because I have never seen a 10 year old with a Hershey bar and crows feet. - Amy Neftzger
Not one of them who took up in his youth with his opinion that there are no gods ever continued until old age faithful to his conviction. - Plato
I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker
Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed their hold you have escaped, not from one master, but from many. - Plato
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Biggest Fan On The Block
Senior's TV Tray
Potty 'Train'ing In India
A Woman Named Five Horses
How To Conserve Gas
How Twins Are Made
Cool Reading Room
Ready For Rabbits
Plumber's Night Light
Can I Lick The Bowl