It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Chocolate never faileth. - Annette Lyon
To stop aging, keep on raging. - Michael Forbes
It's never too late for chocolate. - Unknown
Books and chocolate make life bearable. - Unknown
A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown
When coffee dreams, it dreams of chocolate. - Unknown
Chocolate is what I love. I have it every day. - Jennifer Hudson
Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! - Unknown
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
I've never met a chocolate I didn't like. - Unknown
Caramels are a fad. Chocolate is a permanent thing. - Milton Hershey
Man can not live on chocolate alone.... but women can. - Unknown
The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde
Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative. - Maurice Chevalier
I know I can't cheat death, but I can cheat old age. - Darwin Deason
If youth had but the knowledge and old age the strength. - French Proverb
To chocolate or not to chocolate... is there any question? - Unknown
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
Coffee and chocolate - the inventor of mocha should be sainted. - Cherise Sinclair
I only eat chocolate for you... so there'll be more of me to love! - Unknown
Chocolate is something you take for granted until you don't have any. - Marja McGraw
Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown
W.C. Fields has a profound respect for old age. Especially when it's bottled. - Gene Fowler
All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head. - Unknown
Some people are chocolate and sweets people. I love French fried. That and caviar. - Cameron Diaz
Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive. - Joanne Harris
Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle
Aging is the extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been. - David Bowie
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson
Old age has its pleasures, which, though different, are not less than the pleasures of youth. - W Somerset Maugham
When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. - Victor Hugo
Reading a good book in silence is like eating chocolate for the rest of your life and never getting fat. - Becca Fitzpatrick
To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent - that is to triumph over old age. - Thomas Bailey Aldrich
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do about it. - Golda Meir
When it comes to old age we're all in the same boat, only some of us have been aboard a little longer. - Leo Probst
Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week. - Maggie Kuhn
Autumn is really the best of the seasons; and I'm not sure that old age isn't the best part of life. - C S Lewis
The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm. - Aldous Huxley
Put 'eat chocolate' at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. - Unknown
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
High Strung Violinist
Redneck Baby Carriage
Good Stuff Or Else
Bacon Soda Sales
2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars
Great White Socks
That's Not A Bagpipe!
Jolly Good Recovery