It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Old age is the verdict of life. - Amelia E Barr
Old age is no place for sissies. - Bette Davis
Old age is a wonderful disguise. - Katherine Applegate
I want to die young at a ripe old age. - Ashley Montagu
I'm a woman who wants her chocolate. - Jessica Simpson
A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Seven days without chocolate makes one weak. - Unknown
Old age is like underwear, it creeps up on you. - Unknown
When no one understands you, chocolate is there. - Daniel Worona
Sometimes a girl's gotta have some chocolate. - Carrie Underwood
If it's not chocolate, it's not breakfast. - Laini Taylor
Caramels are a fad. Chocolate is a permanent thing. - Milton Hershey
Weekend forecast: crafting with a chance of chocolate. - Unknown
I know I can't cheat death, but I can cheat old age. - Darwin Deason
If youth had but the knowledge and old age the strength. - French Proverb
When we don't have the words, chocolate can speak volumes. - Joan Bauer
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. - John Wagner
The Sputnik is just to me like a firework, a rocket, a new invention. - Malcolm Muggeridge
A nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me. - Audrey Hepburn
The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan
What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a lifetime of chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
The 12-step chocolate program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate! - Terry Moore
All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head. - Unknown
Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too. - Lionel Kauffman
Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive. - Joanne Harris
Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle
When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. - Victor Hugo
Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke
In youth the days are short and the years are long; in old age the years are short and the days are long. - Nikita I Panin
When it comes to old age we're all in the same boat, only some of us have been aboard a little longer. - Leo Probst
While we drink, and call for garlands, for perfumes and for maidens, old age is creeping on us unperceived. - Juvenal
You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain
The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm. - Aldous Huxley
I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes
One should never make one's debut in a scandal. One should reserve that to give interest to one's old age. - Oscar Wilde
Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. - Robert Orben
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson
I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Canvas Rest Break
2 Republicans And A Truck
Apprentice Auto Body Shop
Moving Level Pro
Redneck Muffler Repair
Montgomery Ward 1934 Christmas Catalog
Making Music Together