It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Chocolate cake is the bomb! - Scarlett Pomers
I want to die young at a ripe old age. - Ashley Montagu
Books and chocolate make life bearable. - Unknown
I hope your only rocky road is chocolate. - Amanda Mosher
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
I'm not overweight, I'm chocolate enriched. - Unknown
In the cookie of life, friends are chocolate chips. - Salman Rushdie
Caramels are a fad. Chocolate is a permanent thing. - Milton Hershey
Man can not live on chocolate alone.... but women can. - Unknown
I know I can't cheat death, but I can cheat old age. - Darwin Deason
If there's no chocolate in Heaven, I'm not going. - Jane Seabrook
Life without books, chocolate and coffee is just useless. - Nadun Lokuliyanage
Fourty is the old age of youth; 50 is the youth of old age. - Victor Hugo
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. - John Wagner
Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go. - Truman Capote
The Sputnik is just to me like a firework, a rocket, a new invention. - Malcolm Muggeridge
Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food. - Michael Levine
In Heaven, chocolate has no calories and is served as the main course. - Unknown
Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill
Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown
I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake. - Unknown
The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan
What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a lifetime of chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. - Dorothy Canfield Fisher
All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head. - Unknown
Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive. - Joanne Harris
Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle
Aging is the extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been. - David Bowie
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson
The greatest tragedies were written by the Greeks and Shakespeare... neither knew chocolate. - Sandra Boynton
Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke
There's no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. - Nanci Rathbun
Reading a good book in silence is like eating chocolate for the rest of your life and never getting fat. - Becca Fitzpatrick
Then she thought bitterly that it would be much easier to resist chocolate if her life were less stressful. - J K Rowling
You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain
The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm. - Aldous Huxley
I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown
One should never make one's debut in a scandal. One should reserve that to give interest to one's old age. - Oscar Wilde
Not one of them who took up in his youth with his opinion that there are no gods ever continued until old age faithful to his conviction. - Plato
Aging: 1. A supposed ripening into wisdom that most Westerners attempt to delay as long as possible; 2. A one-way street with no stoplights. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Better With A Beard
Fat Twin Sisters
Breathe in the Ocean
Tel Aviv Luxury Penthouse
Phones At Six
It Was A Dark And Stormy Night
Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles
Whiskey Lurks Good
In It For The Long Haul