It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Chocolate never faileth. - Annette Lyon
I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown
Books and chocolate make life bearable. - Unknown
I'm a woman who wants her chocolate. - Jessica Simpson
I hope your only rocky road is chocolate. - Amanda Mosher
When coffee dreams, it dreams of chocolate. - Unknown
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Chocolate is what I love. I have it every day. - Jennifer Hudson
Behind every good woman is a lot of chocolate. - Unknown
Old age is like underwear, it creeps up on you. - Unknown
Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! - Unknown
It does seem like the chocolate brings good luck. - Lauren Oliver
If it's not chocolate, it's not breakfast. - Laini Taylor
Chocolate: God's apology to women for periods. - Unknown
If chocolate is the answer, the question is irrelevant. - Kim Knott
To chocolate or not to chocolate... is there any question? - Unknown
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
Coffee and chocolate - the inventor of mocha should be sainted. - Cherise Sinclair
Never have I enjoyed youth so thoroughly as I have in my old age. - George Santayana
Chocolate is medicinal. I just did another study that confirms it. - Michelle M. Pillow
Man fools himself. He prays for a long life, and he fears an old age. - Chinese Proverb
In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us. - Josh Billings
Some say women are addicted to chocolate. I say we're merely loyal. - Cathy Guisewite
Chocolate is something you take for granted until you don't have any. - Marja McGraw
I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake. - Unknown
I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton
I need God's grace and something baked with peanut butter and chocolate. - Gloria Furman
What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a lifetime of chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Francis Bacon
The 12-step chocolate program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate! - Terry Moore
All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head. - Unknown
More people would live to a ripe old age if they weren't too busy providing for it. - Unknown
Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. - Fred Astaire
Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke
We all know who is really a girl's best friend.
Chocolate Cake - Unknown
Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. - Robert Orben
Whenever I have a spare second, I'm in the kitchen whipping up a batch of cookies. I make a mean batch of chocolate chippers. - Karlie Kloss
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it. - Robert Heinlein
Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed their hold you have escaped, not from one master, but from many. - Plato
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Walk The Line
Darth Vader Cool
2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)
Cutting Edge Table
Wedding Cake Dress
Bacon Soda Sales
Chinese New Year Greetings
Mounted Deer Antlers
Two Feet of Snow in Seattle