Hunter’s Diary

A day in the life of a Redneck hunter


1:00 am - Alarm clock rings.
2:00 am - Hunting partner arrives - drags you out of bed.
3:00 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup.
3:05 am - Leave for the deep woods.
3:15 am - Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 am - Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 am - Set up camp - forgot the tent.
4:30 am - Head into the woods.
6:05 am - See eight deer.
6:06 am - Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 am - “Click”.
6:08 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill.
8:00 am - Head back to camp.
9:00 am - Still looking for camp.
10:00 am - Realize you don’t know where camp is.
Noon - Fire gun for help - eat wild berries.
12:15 pm - Ran out of bullets - eight deer come back.
12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison berries.
12:45 pm - Rescued.
12:55 pm - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.
3:00 pm - Arrived back in camp.
3:30 pm - Leave camp to shoot deer.
4:00 pm - Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 pm - Load gun - leave camp again.
5:00 pm - Empty gun on squirrel that’s bugging you.
6:00 pm - Arrive at camp - see deer grazing in camp.
6:01 pm - Load gun.
6:02 pm - Fire gun.
6:03 pm - One dead pickup truck.
6:05 pm - Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.
6:06 pm - Repress strong desire to shoot partner.
6:07 pm - Fall into fire.
6:10 pm - Change clothes - throw burned ones into fire.
6:15 pm - Take pickup - leave partner and his deer in the woods.
6:25 pm - Pickup boils over - hole shot in block.
6:26 pm - Start walking.
6:30 pm - Stumble and fall - drop gun in the mud.
6:35 pm - Meet bear.
6:36 pm - Take aim.
6:37 pm - Fire gun - blow up barrel plugged with mud.
6:38 pm - Make mess in pants.
6:39 pm - Climb tree.
9:00 pm - Bear departs - wrap %&*$# gun around tree.
Midnight - Home at last.
Next day - Watch football games on TV, slowly tearing hunting license into little pieces - place in envelope and mail to Game Warden with very clear instructions on where to place it.




QuotaBills
Shoot folly as it flies. - Alexander Pope

Hunters do it with a big bang. - Unknown

Deer hunters will do anything for a buck. - Unknown

He who has no falcon must hunt with an owl. - Danish Proverb

Old hunters never die, they just stay loaded. - Unknown

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

Aim high and you won’t shoot your foot off. - Phyllis Diller

Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself. - Unknown

Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting. - Christopher Morley

Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best. - Oscar Wilde

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. - George Burns

Shooting Star: A famous actor who uses his gun too often - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You know, I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters. - Groucho Marx

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? - Steven Wright

Deer hunting would be fine sport, if only the deer had guns. - W S Gilbert

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? - George Carlin

Hunting isn't just something I do. It's part of who I am. - Unknown

When the hares have all been caught, the hunting dogs are cooked. - Laozi

Vegetarian: an old Indian word for "doesn't hunt well." - Paul Harvey

Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. - Paul Harvey

Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award. - Billy Wilder

If you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport. - Elayne Boosler

To hunt successfully, you must know your ground, your pack, and your quarry. - K J Parker

Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game. - Paul Rodriguez

Grandchildren are God's rewards to grandparents for not shooting their children. - Unknown

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. - Ashleigh Brilliant

A hunt based only on trophies taken falls far short of what the ultimate goal should be. - Fred Bear

The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. - Sam Snead

My tastes are not those of the king, who has none, except for hunting and mechanic's labour. - Marie Antoinette

In hunting - as in life - sometimes the thing you need most isn't the thing you went looking for. - Unknown

If you turn the imagination loose like a hunting dog, it will often return with the bird in its mouth. - William Maxwell

A critic is someone who never actually goes to the battle, yet who afterwards comes out shooting the wounded. - Tyne Daly

I became hooked on the idea of being able to shoot an image and process it myself, and end up with a product. - Leonard Nimoy

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. - Tim Vine

I am getting to an age when I can only enjoy the last sport left. It is called 'hunting for your spectacles.' - Edward Grey

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. - P G Wodehouse

I was court-martialled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. - Brendan Behan

When you hunt animals, you may succeed or not. But when you open the fridge, you will succeed a hundred percent of the time. - Nora Volkow

You've probably got a device on you that can shoot decent video, so what's stopping you? Capture and share some moments. - Steve Garfield

There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter. - Ernest Hemingway


see also   Hunting  Section
Antler Field
Deer Hunter Tattoo
Fawntastic Deer Camouflage
How To Cook A Deer
How To Make A Deer Stand
Hunter’s Dream Wedding
Mounted Deer Antlers
Redneck Beer Hunter
Redneck Bird Dogs
Redneck Deer Hunters
Redneck Deer Stand
Redneck Motorcycle Hunter
Redneck Porch Hunter
Redneck Wedding
Snow Camo
Stuck Redneck Moose Hunters
When The Deer Hunt The Hunters

 

Just Blew It

Water Taxi

SailBite Ride - Swimming Not Advised

Bach To Front

Japanese Diving Platform

Radar Replacement

Customers Wanted

How To Burn Fat

Cuban Cuisine

FishSun - Touching The Sun

Trampoline Apartment

Slamming On Your Brakes

UFO Caught On Tape

His Dent

Attentive Student

The Great Depression

Divorce Defined

Paint Ladder

Spanish Restrooms

First Computer Cursor
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

14-Aug-2020