A young clerk’s responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.
None of the judge’s yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk’s pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted.
The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.
The judge couldn’t resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.
“Oh, there’s not much to it,” admitted the clerk happily, “I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office.”
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell
The law itself follows gold. - Propertius
Agree, for the law is costly. - William Camden
The trouble with law is lawyers. - Clarence Darrow
A good lawyer is a bad neighbor. - French Proverb
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover
Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle
Lawyers are guardians of the legal order. - Philip Wood
A flagrant violation of international law. - Unknown
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
How I feel when there is no coffee? DEPRESSO - Unknown
Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson
Judge a man by the reputation of his enemies. - Arabian Proverb
Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Law of the Supermarket: The other line moves faster. - Unknown
Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw
It is an ill cause that the lawyer thinks shame o'. - John Ray
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
How many lawyer jokes are there? One, the rest are true stories. - Thomas F Shubnell
I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer
Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown
Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. - Steven Wright
Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings
It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz
You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate
People who use lawyers are not people you would really want to hang around with. - Deborah Ross
To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton
Lawyers are like the knights of old. You can use them to plunder other people's stuff. - Gene Gordon
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Self-preservation is the first law of nature, but self-sacrifice is the highest rule of grace. - Unknown
The law was made for one thing alone - for the exploitation of those who don't understand it. - Bertoit Brecht
Lawyers are like painters - once they get into a house, you never know when you will get rid of them again. - Peter A Graham
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown
A lawyer's duty is to read the law well himself, then tell the people what it is, and let them act upon it. - Brigham Young
Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes. - Robert Kennedy
What's the first excellence in a lawyer? Tautology. What's the second? Tautology. What's the third? Tautology. - Richard Steele
If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it. - Scott Adams
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov
A judge who likes every outcome he reaches is very likely a bad judge, stretching for results he prefers rather than those the law demands. - Neil Gorsuch
Never utter these words: 'I do not know this, therefore it is false.' One must study to know; know to understand; understand to judge. - Apothegm of Narda
The Post Office just recalled their newest stamps. They had a picture of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. - Marvin Lebman
There must be some honest lawyers at the New York bar, and some impartial judges on the New York bench, but I should not like to be set to find them. - Lyman Abbott
There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
The law itself follows gold. - Propertius
Agree, for the law is costly. - William Camden
The trouble with law is lawyers. - Clarence Darrow
A good lawyer is a bad neighbor. - French Proverb
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover
Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle
Lawyers are guardians of the legal order. - Philip Wood
A flagrant violation of international law. - Unknown
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
How I feel when there is no coffee? DEPRESSO - Unknown
Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson
Judge a man by the reputation of his enemies. - Arabian Proverb
Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Law of the Supermarket: The other line moves faster. - Unknown
Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw
It is an ill cause that the lawyer thinks shame o'. - John Ray
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
How many lawyer jokes are there? One, the rest are true stories. - Thomas F Shubnell
I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer
Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown
Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. - Steven Wright
Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings
It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz
You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate
People who use lawyers are not people you would really want to hang around with. - Deborah Ross
To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton
Lawyers are like the knights of old. You can use them to plunder other people's stuff. - Gene Gordon
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Self-preservation is the first law of nature, but self-sacrifice is the highest rule of grace. - Unknown
The law was made for one thing alone - for the exploitation of those who don't understand it. - Bertoit Brecht
Lawyers are like painters - once they get into a house, you never know when you will get rid of them again. - Peter A Graham
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown
A lawyer's duty is to read the law well himself, then tell the people what it is, and let them act upon it. - Brigham Young
Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes. - Robert Kennedy
What's the first excellence in a lawyer? Tautology. What's the second? Tautology. What's the third? Tautology. - Richard Steele
If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it. - Scott Adams
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov
A judge who likes every outcome he reaches is very likely a bad judge, stretching for results he prefers rather than those the law demands. - Neil Gorsuch
Never utter these words: 'I do not know this, therefore it is false.' One must study to know; know to understand; understand to judge. - Apothegm of Narda
The Post Office just recalled their newest stamps. They had a picture of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. - Marvin Lebman
There must be some honest lawyers at the New York bar, and some impartial judges on the New York bench, but I should not like to be set to find them. - Lyman Abbott
There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
see also Coffee & Judge Sections
Justice Is Blind
Legal Assistance For All
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