A young clerk’s responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.
None of the judge’s yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk’s pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted.
The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.
The judge couldn’t resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.
“Oh, there’s not much to it,” admitted the clerk happily, “I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office.”
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers
Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
When coffee dreams, it dreams of chocolate. - Unknown
To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan
I like my men like I like my coffee. Silent. - Anna Kendrick
Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown
Do not judge, and you will never be mistaken. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau
Judge a man by the reputation of his enemies. - Arabian Proverb
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons. - T S Eliot
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall
The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx
I only drink coffee grown in high altitude rain forests. - Rob Dyrdek
Justice is a law of nature rarely found in human affairs. - Unknown
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown
The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. - Yiddish Proverb
People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus
What a cage is to the wild beast, law is to the selfish man. - Herbert Spencer
Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore. - Unknown
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius
There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. - Ambrose Bierce
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer
A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz
The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe
If two friends ask you to judge a dispute, don't accept, because you will lose one friend. - St. Augustine
You haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running. - Unknown
In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay
I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin
I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement. - Calvin Coolidge
Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
When coffee dreams, it dreams of chocolate. - Unknown
To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan
I like my men like I like my coffee. Silent. - Anna Kendrick
Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown
Do not judge, and you will never be mistaken. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau
Judge a man by the reputation of his enemies. - Arabian Proverb
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons. - T S Eliot
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall
The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx
I only drink coffee grown in high altitude rain forests. - Rob Dyrdek
Justice is a law of nature rarely found in human affairs. - Unknown
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown
The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. - Yiddish Proverb
People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus
What a cage is to the wild beast, law is to the selfish man. - Herbert Spencer
Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore. - Unknown
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius
There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. - Ambrose Bierce
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer
A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz
The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe
If two friends ask you to judge a dispute, don't accept, because you will lose one friend. - St. Augustine
You haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running. - Unknown
In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay
I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin
I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement. - Calvin Coolidge
see also Coffee & Judge Sections
Justice Is Blind
Legal Assistance For All
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