Got Any Gwapes?

Ask the bartender just one more time


A little duck walks into a bar one day. He saunters up to the bartender and asks, “Got any gwapes?

“Nope, sorry,” says the bartender. The duck walks out, disappointed.

The next day, the duck walks into the bar again and asks, “Got any gwapes?”

“I already told you, no, I don’t!” says the bartender angrily. The duck leaves, again disappointed.

The day after that, the duck walks in again and says, “Got any gwapes?”

“No! I do not have any grapes! If you come in here one more time asking for grapes I’ll nail your feet to the floor!”

The next day, the duck waddles into the bar. The bartender eyes him suspiciously. “Got any nails?” the duck asks.

“No, why?” the bartender asks.

“Got any gwapes?”


QuotaBills
Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb

Goose Pimples: Duck acne - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes. - William Shakespeare

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Draft Dodger: Someone who avoids beer on tap. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Wine is the most civilized thing in the world. - Ernest Hemingway

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

If God forbade drinking, would He have made wine so good? - Cardinal Richelieu

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite

The sweetest grapes are picked from the vineyard of friendship. - French Proverb

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best

You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek

Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb

If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duck tape to make them stop. - G.M. Weilacher

Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

Be like a duck, paddling and working very hard inside the water, but what everyone sees is a smiling and calm face. - Manoj Arora

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen


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16-May-2022