Got Any Gwapes?

Ask the bartender just one more time


A little duck walks into a bar one day. He saunters up to the bartender and asks, “Got any gwapes?

“Nope, sorry,” says the bartender. The duck walks out, disappointed.

The next day, the duck walks into the bar again and asks, “Got any gwapes?”

“I already told you, no, I don’t!” says the bartender angrily. The duck leaves, again disappointed.

The day after that, the duck walks in again and says, “Got any gwapes?”

“No! I do not have any grapes! If you come in here one more time asking for grapes I’ll nail your feet to the floor!”

The next day, the duck waddles into the bar. The bartender eyes him suspiciously. “Got any nails?” the duck asks.

“No, why?” the bartender asks.

“Got any gwapes?”


QuotaBills
Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed

Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb

That one kind of grapes on my nerves. - Archie Bunker

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes. - William Shakespeare

Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Wine is the most civilized thing in the world. - Ernest Hemingway

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

Liquor talks mighty loud when it gets loose from the jug. - Joel C Harris

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

The sweetest grapes are picked from the vineyard of friendship. - French Proverb

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns

Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King

One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duck tape to make them stop. - G.M. Weilacher

Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others. - Samuel Johnson

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins

Wanting to meet a writer because you like their books is like wanting to meet a duck because you like pate. - Margaret Atwood

I walk like a duck: very straight up and down. Or like a penguin. It's a dead giveaway that I'm a dancer. - David Hallberg

We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore

It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway


see also   Bartender  Section
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23-Jan-2021