A little duck walks into a bar one day. He saunters up to the bartender and asks, “Got any gwapes?
“Nope, sorry,” says the bartender. The duck walks out, disappointed.
The next day, the duck walks into the bar again and asks, “Got any gwapes?”
“I already told you, no, I don’t!” says the bartender angrily. The duck leaves, again disappointed.
The day after that, the duck walks in again and says, “Got any gwapes?”
“No! I do not have any grapes! If you come in here one more time asking for grapes I’ll nail your feet to the floor!”
The next day, the duck waddles into the bar. The bartender eyes him suspiciously. “Got any nails?” the duck asks.
“No, why?” the bartender asks.
“Got any gwapes?”
When in doubt, duck. - Malcolm Forbes
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee
Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown
When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb
Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster
Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen
You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker
I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn
When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller
Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb
The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes. - William Shakespeare
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown
Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney
Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown
When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields
Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson
Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman
I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields
Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw
The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson
In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown
Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII
I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown
To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson
Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb
I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. - George Burns
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King
An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz
I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson
If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown
I walk like a duck: very straight up and down. Or like a penguin. It's a dead giveaway that I'm a dancer. - David Hallberg
There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin
I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen
A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke
A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown
When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee
Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown
When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb
Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster
Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen
You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker
I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn
When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller
Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb
The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes. - William Shakespeare
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown
Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney
Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown
When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields
Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson
Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman
I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields
Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw
The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson
In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown
Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII
I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown
To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson
Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb
I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. - George Burns
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King
An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz
I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson
If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown
I walk like a duck: very straight up and down. Or like a penguin. It's a dead giveaway that I'm a dancer. - David Hallberg
There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin
I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen
A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke
A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown
When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
see also Bartender Section
Grapeless
Apples and Wine - Picked or Stomped?
Aussie Wine Glass
Cheap Wine Market
Costco Wine
French Red Wine
Fruit Salad Dinner
Glass Prescription
Hammock Wine
Heavy Drinking
If Alcohol Talked
Insect Wine Glass
Jim’s Happy Hour
Men Are Like Fine Wine
Navajo Wine
New Wine For Seniors
Red Wine Diet
Redneck Wine Glass
Redneck Wine Dispenser
Redneck Wine Holder
Texas Wine Glass
Walmart’s Redneck Wine
Wine Aerobics
Wine Day
Wine Flowchart
Wine Glass Chair
Wine Glass Lanyard
Wine Pairing in the Stone Age
Wine Secret
Wine Signs
Wine Socks
Wine Therapy
Wine Time
Wine Time Finally
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18-Nov-2019 |