The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language
of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the
negotiations, Her Majesty's government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as
In the first year, ‘s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favor of
the ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome
‘ph’ will be replaced with the ‘f’. This will make words like
‘fotograf’ 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage
where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of
double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre
that the horible mes of the silent ‘e’'s in the language is disgraceful, and
they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with
‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining
‘ou’ and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or
difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
And zen ve vil take over ze vorld!!!
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