Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself o pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 16: Turk the carvey
Step 17: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 18: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 19: Bless the saying, pass and eat out
Then you add two forkfuls of cooking oil. - The French Chef
Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown
Eternity is two people and a roast turkey. - James Dent
Here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock. - William Shakespeare
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
She did not so much cook as assassinate food. - Storm Jameson
No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks. - St. Ambrose
I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields
Poultry is for the cook what canvas is for the painter. - Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking. - Katherine Cebrian
I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. - Julia Child
A peacock that rests on his feathers is just another turkey. - Dolly Parton
I'm a terrible cook, but I make very good lobster salad. - Nancy Carell
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield
A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. - Jane Austen
For all that has been - thanks.
For all that will be - yes. - Dag Hammarskjold
Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou
I'm a bit of a gourmet chef. I love cooking - mostly Thai food. - Will Ferrell
Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. - Nicole Hollander
The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child
The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller
Thanksgiving is the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. - Michael Dresser
Go see that turkey for yourself, and see for yourself why you shouldn't see it. - Samuel Goldwyn
Thanks you for being a part of my life, whether you were a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime. - Unknown
If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield
Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. - W.T. Purkiser
Breakfast is my favorite meal. I cook a big one for everyone - bacon and eggs. I own a lot of eggcups. - Emily Mortimer
It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, 'if you want it your way, cook it yourself.' - Johnny Carson
In the words of Harry S. Truman, "If it's too hot in the kitchen, stay away from the cook." - Archie Bunker
Once you have mastered a technique, you hardly need look at a recipe again, and can take off on your own. - Julia Child
I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson
I love spaghetti. And I like to cook spaghetti. And I used to eat it every day. I weighed thirty pounds more than I do now. - Christopher Walken
An expert is like the bottom of a double boiler. It shoots off a lot of steam, but it never really knows what's cooking. - Unknown
Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. - I Thessalonians 5:16-18
At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since. - Salvador Dali
There is one thing more exasperating than a spouse who can cook and won't... and that's a spouse who can't cook and will. - Unknown
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing. - George Carlin
Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown
Eternity is two people and a roast turkey. - James Dent
Here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock. - William Shakespeare
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
She did not so much cook as assassinate food. - Storm Jameson
No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks. - St. Ambrose
I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields
Poultry is for the cook what canvas is for the painter. - Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking. - Katherine Cebrian
I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. - Julia Child
A peacock that rests on his feathers is just another turkey. - Dolly Parton
I'm a terrible cook, but I make very good lobster salad. - Nancy Carell
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield
A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. - Jane Austen
For all that has been - thanks.
For all that will be - yes. - Dag Hammarskjold
Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou
I'm a bit of a gourmet chef. I love cooking - mostly Thai food. - Will Ferrell
Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. - Nicole Hollander
The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child
The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller
Thanksgiving is the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. - Michael Dresser
Go see that turkey for yourself, and see for yourself why you shouldn't see it. - Samuel Goldwyn
Thanks you for being a part of my life, whether you were a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime. - Unknown
If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield
Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. - W.T. Purkiser
Breakfast is my favorite meal. I cook a big one for everyone - bacon and eggs. I own a lot of eggcups. - Emily Mortimer
It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, 'if you want it your way, cook it yourself.' - Johnny Carson
In the words of Harry S. Truman, "If it's too hot in the kitchen, stay away from the cook." - Archie Bunker
Once you have mastered a technique, you hardly need look at a recipe again, and can take off on your own. - Julia Child
I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson
I love spaghetti. And I like to cook spaghetti. And I used to eat it every day. I weighed thirty pounds more than I do now. - Christopher Walken
An expert is like the bottom of a double boiler. It shoots off a lot of steam, but it never really knows what's cooking. - Unknown
Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. - I Thessalonians 5:16-18
At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since. - Salvador Dali
There is one thing more exasperating than a spouse who can cook and won't... and that's a spouse who can't cook and will. - Unknown
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing. - George Carlin
see also Food & Turkey Sections
Going Cold Turkey
Grandma’s Beautiful Pies
Happy Thanksgiving, Y’all!
Ode To A Turkey
Redneck Thanksgiving
Redneck Turkey Shoot
Run, Turkey, Run!
Thanksgiving Harvest Time
Too Much Turkey
Turkey Recipe
Turkey Weather Forecast
’Twas The Night Before Thanksgiving
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