Constipated Mathematician

Math tip for Bathroom Readers


Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.



QuotaBills
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

Everything is physics and math. - Katherine Johnson

Anatomical: Joe-ks about the body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Pencil: A tiny tree used to draw a line in the sand - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

I am an expert in Higher Level Math: You + God = Enough - Zig Ziglar

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? - George Carlin

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey

Math is like love - a simple idea but it can get complicated. - R. Drabek

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Markus Herz

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright

The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright

In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey

It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen

A body of men holding themselves accountable to nobody ought not to be trusted by anybody. - Thomas Paine

Mathematics is the cheapest science. All one needs for mathematics is a pencil and a paper. - George Polya

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten

The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead. - Robert Brault

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy. - Garrison Keillor

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros

Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown


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26-Jul-2021