Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Everything is physics and math. - Katherine Johnson
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
Algebra: Undergarment worn by female math teachers - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? - George Carlin
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
Dear Math: I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems. - Unknown
What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce
Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. - Unknown
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham
The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George
Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker
Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
There are 3 kinds of people in this world: those who are good at math, and those who aren't. - Unknown
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon
With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner
When a woman puts on a heel, she has a different posture, a different attitude. She really stands up and has a consciousness of her body. - Christian Louboutin
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
If it's green, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it has numbers, it's math. If it doesn't work, it's technology. - Unknown
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Everything is physics and math. - Katherine Johnson
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
Algebra: Undergarment worn by female math teachers - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? - George Carlin
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
Dear Math: I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems. - Unknown
What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce
Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. - Unknown
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham
The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George
Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker
Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
There are 3 kinds of people in this world: those who are good at math, and those who aren't. - Unknown
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon
With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner
When a woman puts on a heel, she has a different posture, a different attitude. She really stands up and has a consciousness of her body. - Christian Louboutin
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
If it's green, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it has numbers, it's math. If it doesn't work, it's technology. - Unknown
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
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