Constipated Mathematician

Math tip for Bathroom Readers


Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.



QuotaBills
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

Everything is physics and math. - Katherine Johnson

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A canter is the cure for all evil. - Benjamin Disraeli

I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

Algebra: Undergarment worn by female math teachers - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown

Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

I am an expert in Higher Level Math: You + God = Enough - Zig Ziglar

A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott

I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

The world was made for the body. The body was made for the soul. And the soul was made for God. - Ravi Zacharias

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump

Map out your future - but do it in pencil. The road ahead is as long as you make it. Make it worth the trip. - Jon Bon Jovi

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain

Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown


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06-Jul-2020