A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard. Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson Draft Dodger: Someone who avoids beer on tap. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Beer: The method of turning grain into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Igloo: 1. An icicle built for two; 2. An Alaskan toilet. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga Like toilet paper, laughter is in short supply these days. - Phil Callaway A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I Washable: What a cowboy does, very carefully, with soap and water - Daffynitions joe-ks.com If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? - George Carlin Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. - Rex Reed Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. - Bill Cosby In heaven there is no beer... That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet - Daffynitions joe-ks.com When in doubt as to the applicability of a disinfectant, use soap and water. - Martin H. Fischer You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com The problem of improving literary taste is one for the schools. Soap operas sell lots of soap. - Neil McElroy An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera. - Unknown I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge. - Jerry Seinfeld Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin In soap, fatty acids made from boiling pork bone fat are used as a hardening agent, but also for giving it a pearl-like effect. - Christien Meindertsma Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language? One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler see also Bartender & Relationship Sections Annoying Little Bars Of Soap BARF Detergent BassTurd Bathroom Thigns Big John Bounce Bucket Bath Cowboy Bubble Bath Crack In Tower Of Pisa Dog Wallpaper Fairy Soap Free Gas Hand Soap How To Shower - For Women and Men Introvert Soap Kid Disposal Maybe My Job Is Not So Bad After All Not All Heroes Wear Capes Redneck Doork Redneck Shower Head Reducing Soap Roo Paper Shampoo Warning Stuck Tear-Paper Wall Today’s Bathroom Reader ToileTree TP Kid Wash Away Sins Washing Clothes Recipe When You Gotta Go |
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