The Buffalo Theory
How fast are your brain cells?

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of its weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

The results of this in-depth epidemiological study verify and validate the causal link between all-weekend parties and engineering performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving university and getting married, most engineers cannot keep up with the performance of new graduates. Only those few who stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels they achieved during their university years.

So this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge we should not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars! Quaff that pint! Your company and your country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn’t deny yourself the career you could have.

Be all that you can be.



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29-Mar-2020