Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then, when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. Totally frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hit the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the door bell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, “Where would you like to put this tree, fat man?”
And that my friend, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.
In heaven an angel is nobody in particular. - George Bernard Shaw
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. - Unknown
I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother. - Abraham Lincoln
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
A nurse will always give us hope,
an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, 'Grow, grow.' - Talmud
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
Humans need fantasy to be human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape. - Terry Pratchett
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright
I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey
I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle
I'm owned by the people. I mean, I'm telling you, I'm no angel, but I'm gonna do right by them. - Donald Trump
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple
I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love. - Marilyn Monroe
Canadian Christmas Tree
Candle-lit Christmas Tree
Christmas Fruit Tree
ChristMoose Tree
CPU Tree
Light Christmas Tree
Redneck Christmas Lights
Redneck Christmas Tree
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18-Nov-2019 |