Acceptable Doctors Sign

Finding a good Doctor’s practice


Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go!

Next they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again.

Then came: “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good.

How about: “Minds and Behinds.” Unacceptable again.

So they tried: “Lost Souls and Ass Holes.” Still no go.

Nor did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Nuts and Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.

Almost at their wits end, the Doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
“APPROVED”


QuotaBills
Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb

The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis

Boredom is a sickness of the soul. - Unknown

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown

For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran

The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer

He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb

I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson

If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright

In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. - Paula Deen

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine

Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. - George S Patton

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain

Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown


see also   Doctor  &  Signs  Sections
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Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Did Philip Fart?
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
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Mr. Silent Killer Gas Passer - Real Men of Genius
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Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
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12-Aug-2020