Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go! I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan When the problem is worry, the prescription is prayer. - David Jeremiah There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke The world was made for the body. The body was made for the soul. And the soul was made for God. - Ravi Zacharias I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire Ignorance is not so damnable as humbug, but when it prescribes pills it may happen to do more harm. - George Eilot What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. - Paula Deen Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart see also Doctor & Signs Sections Colon Celery Colorectal Exam For Dogs Colorectal Surgeon Praise Constipated Mathematician Did Philip Fart? 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