Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go!
Next they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again.
Then came: “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good.
How about: “Minds and Behinds.” Unacceptable again.
So they tried: “Lost Souls and Ass Holes.” Still no go.
Nor did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Nuts and
Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.
Almost at their wits end, the Doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
“APPROVED”
Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson
I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen
My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson
I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen
My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
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Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
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21-Jan-2020 |