Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go!
Next they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again.
Then came: “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good.
How about: “Minds and Behinds.” Unacceptable again.
So they tried: “Lost Souls and Ass Holes.” Still no go.
Nor did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Nuts and
Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.
Almost at their wits end, the Doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
“APPROVED”
I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker
A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley
Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller
Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker
A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley
Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller
Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
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