Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go!
Next they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again.
Then came: “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good.
How about: “Minds and Behinds.” Unacceptable again.
So they tried: “Lost Souls and Ass Holes.” Still no go.
Nor did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Nuts and
Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.
Almost at their wits end, the Doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
“APPROVED”
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns
Life is pharmaceutical from head to cuticle. - David McCord
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
When the problem is worry, the prescription is prayer. - David Jeremiah
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard
I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson
There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso
Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns
Life is pharmaceutical from head to cuticle. - David McCord
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
When the problem is worry, the prescription is prayer. - David Jeremiah
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard
I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson
There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso
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