Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go!
Next they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again.
Then came: “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good.
How about: “Minds and Behinds.” Unacceptable again.
So they tried: “Lost Souls and Ass Holes.” Still no go.
Nor did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Nuts and
Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.
Almost at their wits end, the Doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
“APPROVED”
Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx
Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx
Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
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25-May-2020 |