Acceptable Doctors Sign

Finding a good Doctor’s practice


Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go!

Next they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again.

Then came: “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good.

How about: “Minds and Behinds.” Unacceptable again.

So they tried: “Lost Souls and Ass Holes.” Still no go.

Nor did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Nuts and Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.

Almost at their wits end, the Doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
“APPROVED”


QuotaBills
I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts

Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb

Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis

I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan

When the problem is worry, the prescription is prayer. - David Jeremiah

There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce

Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar

Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber

Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

The world was made for the body. The body was made for the soul. And the soul was made for God. - Ravi Zacharias

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Ignorance is not so damnable as humbug, but when it prescribes pills it may happen to do more harm. - George Eilot

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore

I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. - Paula Deen

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay

Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir

If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury

Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale

In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart


see also   Doctor  &  Signs  Sections
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Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Did Philip Fart?
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
Gas Passer - Downwind Protocol
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Menopause Sucks
Mr. Silent Killer Gas Passer - Real Men of Genius
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
The Common Fart

 

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19-May-2022