Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go!
Next they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again.
Then came: “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good.
How about: “Minds and Behinds.” Unacceptable again.
So they tried: “Lost Souls and Ass Holes.” Still no go.
Nor did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Nuts and
Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.
Almost at their wits end, the Doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
“APPROVED”
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins
Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch
I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
Life is pharmaceutical from head to cuticle. - David McCord
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker
A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer
I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman
Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou
They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman
Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins
Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch
I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
Life is pharmaceutical from head to cuticle. - David McCord
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker
A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer
I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman
Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou
They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman
Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
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