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TWOS-day

Make the best of Two-day!

TWOS-day thanks to Marlene Goodman

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Before: What two plus two be - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Look at the 2 chimpanzoos over here - Archie Bunker

Self-assurance is two-thirds of success. - Gaelic Proverb

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb

In married life, three is company and two none. - Oscar Wilde

Leftovers: 1. Mull-again stew; 2. Repast history. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A mixture of brandy and water spoils two good things. - Charles Lamb

Raisin: 1. A worried grape; 2. A grape with a sunburn. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. - Aristotle

One life - a little gleam of time between two eternities. - Thomas Carlyle

A town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two. - Lyndon Baines Johnson

Two fundamental literary qualities: supernaturalism and irony. - Charles Baudelaire

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. - Mark Twain

Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. - Keanu Reeves

Sandwich every bit of criticism between two heavy layers of praise. - Mary Kay Ash

There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works. - Will Rogers

Woodpecker: 1. A knocking bird; 2. A 17th Century prosthetic device. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something. - Mitch Hedberg

It doesn't work to leap a twenty-foot chasm in two ten-foot jumps. - Proverb

Acorn: 1. An oak in a nutshell; 2. Something painful on Dad's toe. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody! - Steven Wright

There was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two. - Unknown

When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy. - Samuel Goldwyn

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley

Yale: 1. A well known Ivy League university; 2. What southern cheerleaders do. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you had been singing like this 2,000 years ago, people would have stoned you. - Simon Cowell

A man without an address is a vagabond; a man with two addresses is a libertine. - George Bernard Shaw

The two kinds of people on earth are the people who lift and the people who lean. - Unknown

The Type 2 diabetic said to the Type 1 diabetic, 'You're so juvenile.' - Unknown

There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life. - Richard Lewis

Sherbet: 1. A horse that can't lose; 2. A tip on a horse race or sporting event. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself. - Garth Brooks

Success is a two-bladed golden sword - it knights one and stabs one at the same time. - Mae West

There's nothing like a two-hour tax appointment to make you question your career. - Shawn Hitchins

Hockey: 1. Mayhem on ice; 2. A form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't - Joe-kster

A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never quite sure. - Lee Segall

There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. - Oscar Wilde

There are two educations. One should teach us how to make a living, and the other how to live. - James T Adams

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill. - Groucho Marx

Stomach: 1. The home of the swallow; 2. A bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can't dance at two weddings at the same time; nor can you sit on two horses with one behind. - Yiddish Proverb

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either use one more club or two more balls. - Unknown

Ninety-two percent of the stuff told you in confidence you couldn't get anyone else to listen to. - Franklin P. Adams

Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud

Two things define you: your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything. - Unknown

Change can come in either of two important ways: Start behaving positively or stop behaving negatively. - Dr. Phil

There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it. - Bertrand Russell

Mosquito: 1. A small insect designed by God to make us think better of flies; 2. The state bird of New Jersey. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true. - Soren Kierkegaard

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days. - Jon Stewart

There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't. - Lemony Snicket

It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy. - Ronnie Corbett

Aardvark: 1. Aan aanimal thaat resembles the aanteater; 2. In the beginning was the word. And the word was 'Aardvark'. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. - Mary Catherwood

Geometry: 1. What the acorn said after it grew up; 2. A tree made up of numbers and letters; 3. Without geometry, life is pointless. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I have a maple leaf tattoo over my heart, quite literally, and my two favorite things on Earth are being in Canada and making movies. - Jay Baruchel

Drunkard: 1. A man who knows his capacity but gets drunk before he reaches it; 2. Human prune - the more he is soaked, the more he swells. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Zipper: Two rows of unsmiling teeth that often induce laughter in others, especially when inadvertently left open following a trip to the john - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


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