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Virus Update

What we now know about the Covid virus

Virus Update thanks to Barry McCartney

Based on Government announcements, we know that:

It won't infect people at a wedding unless there are more than 50 people. And it also won't infect anyone at a funeral, as long as there are not more than 20 people.

So not only can the Virus count, it can also differentiate between a wedding and a funeral.

This Virus owns a watch and can tell time. It does spread in public places and restaurants, but only after 9 pm and not before. So, it's safe to be out before 9 pm and not after 9 pm.

It also only infects if you're in a group of more than 4, but not at weddings or funerals where it's 50 and 20 people, obviously.

Masks do work, that's why people will be fined for not wearing them, but not in pubs and restaurants, because as already discovered, the Virus doesn't infect in pubs or restaurants until after 9 pm.

You can also safely remove your mask at a crowded eating place because the Virus is polite and won't attack when you are eating. But don't remove your mask before food is served, as the Virus will attack if it sees you without a mask and not eating.

Cinemas, gyms, etc are also immune from the Virus 'cause the Virus can't afford cinema tickets or gym memberships.

The Virus also sticks to specific post codes and barricades, this is why some areas have stricter rules than others. And once you cross the border, the Virus will not follow you.

The Virus attacks those who do not queue up for public transportation, so you see everyone practices social distancing and queue.

But once inside buses and commuter trains, then you are fine to be crowded because the Virus won't attack, as it hates traveling in crowded public vehicles.

But once you get off the crowded public vehicles, then you are not safe again in private vehicles and cannot travel in the same car because the Virus doesn't like those who are not from the same address traveling together in private cars.

Oh, and political gatherings/rallies are perfectly fine in large groups regardless of any rules. That's because the Ministers set the rules, and the Virus obeys the rules.

It's OK not to quarantine if the Minister says so, and the Virus will look for other victims. It will not touch government employees or government pass holders.

Prisoners are fine to be crowded and since they are in prison, the Virus doesn't like criminals, so social distancing is not important for them.

The Virus is very merciful because it doesn't attack beggars and homeless people living on streets and footpaths, as it knows they cannot afford tests and hospitalization. And also it will not attack thousands of farmers who are on protest near the Delhi border.

The Virus will not touch you for fifteen days if you have done a PCR test and proven negative.

The Virus takes a vacation from waving at people during Festivals and will return to start second and third waves.

QuotaBills
Anatomy is destiny. - Sigmund Freud

That virus is a pussycat. - Peter Duesberg

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Logic is the anatomy of thought. - Albert Einstein

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

This virus just breaks all the rules. - Thomas Scott

IN GOD WE TRUST: All others we virus scan - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. - Haruki Murakami

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

Leaders don't inflict pain; they share pain. - Max Depree

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

Through pain I've learned to comfort suffering men. - Virgil

Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain. - Charlie Chaplin

He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb

It is easy to stand a pain, but difficult to stand an itch. - Chang Ch'ao

If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

Save one life, you're a hero. Save 100 lives, you're a nurse. - Unknown

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

The great art of life is sensation; to feel that we exist, even in pain. - Lord Byron

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown. - William Penn

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

The single biggest threat to man's continued dominance on the planet is the virus. - Joshua Lederberg

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea. - Pearl S. Buck

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

Pain is neither intolerable nor everlasting... it is in the power of the soul to maintain its own serenity. - Marcus Aurelius

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

The more pain that's referenced or implied, the deeper the laugh can be because the laughter heals the pain. - Mimi Kennedy

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

Where we always start is: What's the user's itch? What's their pain point that occurs frequently enough to build a habit around? - Nir Eyal

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman


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