#1 humor site on the 'net

Incognito Mode

Pro Tip: Blow on your coffee

Incognito Mode thanks to Keith Blake

When you need something a little stronger than coffee...

QuotaBills
Wine is bottled poetry. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Has Beans: Used coffee grounds - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed

Good wine is a necessity of life. - Thomas Jefferson

Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb

Coffee and love taste best when hot. - German Proverb

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? - Steven Wright

When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

When coffee dreams, it dreams of chocolate. - Unknown

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

I like my men like I like my coffee. Silent. - Anna Kendrick

Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Queuing tips for fans: wrap up and bring food! - Niall Horan

Wine is the most civilized thing in the world. - Ernest Hemingway

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons. - T S Eliot

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

The state of Washington calls tips 'wages.' - Tom Douglas

I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now. - Louisa May Alcott

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

I only drink coffee grown in high altitude rain forests. - Rob Dyrdek

If God forbade drinking, would He have made wine so good? - Cardinal Richelieu

I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume. - John Van Druten

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. - Paul Erdos

Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. - Stephanie Piro

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. - Steven Wright

Without my morning coffee, I'm just like a dried-up piece of goat. - J.S. Bach

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

I never drink coffee at lunch - I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon. - Ronald Reagan

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

I love you more than pumpkin spice latte but please don't make me prove it! - Unknown

If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown

If there's no coffee, I'm not getting up. Make Groundhog Day just better. - ethicalbean

It's amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee. - Donna A Favors

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

I just want a hot cup of coffee, black, and I don't want to hear about your troubles. - Charles Bukowski

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

A half finished shawl left on the coffee table isn't a mess; it's an object of art. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy

Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running. - Unknown

Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins

If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor

A giraffe's coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat. Ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself. - Unknown


Tip Generator

Waiting For Windows To Boot

So Close

Pork Chops

Brazilian Covid

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Nothing Wrong Picture

Cook Ring

Zipperhead

Politicians Be Like

Bridge Uplift

Beach Drag

Do Not Feed The Bears

Does Your Hedgehog Bite?

A Woman's Mind

Spaghetti Starter

Sidewalk Pickpocket

Wing Wedding

Relaxing Surgery

Fish Injuries

Nuclear Waste Truck

Rock Watcher

Frog Waltz

Filling The Water Truck