#1 humor site on the 'net

Drawing A Fine Line

British pettiness on display

Drawing A Fine Line thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
No man is an Ireland. - Richard Daley

Friendship is a sheltering tree. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

A good lawyer is a bad neighbor. - French Proverb

Every man under his own fig tree. - Hebrew Saying

Scotland is the Canada of England. - Rainn Wilson

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Trees often transplanted seldom prosper. - Flemish Proverb

Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill

My neighbor has a circular driveway - he can't get out. - Steven Wright

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Khalil Gibran

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

If you don't like where you are, move. You are not a tree. - Unknown

You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

There'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood. - Bob Hope

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce. - Francesco Caracciolo

In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

The man who can dominate a London dinner-table can dominate the world. - Oscar Wilde

England is an empire, Germany is a nation, a race, France is a person. - Jules Michelet

Zealotry: 1. The enemy of idealism; 2. What a tree salesman likes to do. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Your own safety is at stake when your neighbor's house is in flames. - Horace

When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London. - Bette Midler

I used to go missing a lot... Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World. - George Best

Death is just a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. - J.J. Furnas

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Humour is practically the only thing about which the English are utterly serious. - Malcolm Muggeridge

If we surrendered to earth's intelligence, we could rise up rooted like trees. - Rainer M Rilke

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

Chocolate comes from coco, which is a tree - that makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad. - Unknown

The best way to knock the chip off your neighbor's shoulder is to pat him on the back. - Unknown

If you burn your neighbor's house down, it doesn't make your house look any better. - Lou Holtz

How much trouble he avoids who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks. - Marcus Aurelius

The trouble with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Kahlil Gibran

We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown

Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence. - Hal Borland

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan

The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. - Oscar Wilde

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

If it is good to have one foot in England, it is still better, or at least as good, to have the other out of it. - Henry James

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

Monkey: 1. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees; 2. A key that won't open a door. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no god. It neither picks my pocket, nor breaks my leg. - Thomas Jefferson

'Good English' is whatever educated people talk; so that what is good in one place or time would not be so in another. - C S Lewis

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

Geometry: 1. What the acorn said after it grew up; 2. A tree made up of numbers and letters; 3. Without geometry, life is pointless. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. - Navjot S Sidhu

In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful. - Alice Walker

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Where our bread is concerned, it is a material matter. Where our neighbor's bread is concerned, it is a spiritual matter. - I.D. Douglas

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

Charity may be a very short word, but with its tremendous meaning of pure love, it sums up man's entire relation to God and to his neighbor. - Aelred of Rievaulx


Balanced Meal

Acoustic Hearing Aids

Redneck Advent Calendar

Programmer Logic

Lego Haircut

Lettuce Face

Hammock Wine

Catch Anything Lately?

Dead Batteries

Frozen Fish

How Do You Spell L-U-C-K-Y?

Stretch Line - Down To The Wire

Milkshake Diet

Bicycle Logging

Texas 4 Months Apart

Flat Tire Repair

Double Error Message

Redneck Candle

Tenacity

Better Call Saul

Hair Notes

Gold Silk Fabric

Orthodox Weapon

Chanukah Special