#1 humor site on the 'net

Counter Fitter

Fraudster jailed for installing kitchen worktops

Counter Fitter thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
Confront: The chest of a prisoner. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Weekends are an employee's parole. - Mokokoma Mokhonoana

To a warden Utopia is an escape-proof jail. - Mark Twain

The counterfeit trinity is me, myself, and I. - Edwin L Cole

The most anxious man in a prison is the warden. - George Bernard Shaw

Be thine own palace, or the world's thy jail. - John Donne

Suspended Sentence: One where the prisoner is hanged - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In my country we go to prison first and then become president. - Nelson Mandela

When the prison doors are opened, the real dragon will fly out. - Ho Chi Minh

Jail is no place for a young fellow. There's no advancement. - Groucho Marx

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

I don't want to send them to jail. I want to send them to school. - Adlai Stevenson

Classical quotation is the parole of literary men all over the world. - Samuel Johnson

There should be no bank too big to fail but no individual too big to jail. - Hillary Clinton

Thanks to this man I've gone from over-the-counter to over-the-barrel. - Unknown

Real happiness is cheap enough, yet how dearly we pay for its counterfeit. - Hosea Ballou

The degree of civilization in a society is revealed by entering its prisons. - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Prison is the worst experience I've ever had in my life - besides death. - Duane Chapman

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. - Lewis B Smedes

The world itself is but a large prison, out of which some are daily led to execution. - Sir Walter Raleigh

Dreams are excursions into the limbo of things, a semi-deliverance from the human prison. - Henri Amiel

You will never be free until you free yourself from the prison of your own false thoughts. - Unknown

People are prisoners of their phones; that's why it's called a 'cell' phone. - Unknown

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton. - Dan Duva

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity. - Erma Bombeck

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. - WC Fields

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals. - Ronnie Corbett

Up until now, the prospect of parole has kept us from confronting our captors with any real determination. - George Jackson

Sometimes I feel like a normal person. Sometimes I forget I'm on parole, that I'm not really free. - Jennifer Lane

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

Laughter is the mind's intonation. There are ways of laughing which have the sound of counterfeit coins. - Edmond de Goncourt

One of the many lessons that one learns in prison is, that things are what they are and will be what they will be. - Oscar Wilde

All those good people huddling behind bars in gated communities - it's the wrong way round. The others should have the bars. - Judy Sheindlin

While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs

How is it that mercury is not safe for food additives and Over the Counter drug products, but it is safe in our vaccines and dental amalgams? - Dan Burton

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. - Yakov Smirnoff

Like a prisoner awaiting his release, like a schoolboy when the end of term is near, like a migrant bird ready to fly south... I long to be gone. - Malcolm Muggeridge


Martini Shirt

Mal Nutrition

Stowaway Soccer Fan

Watch Out For Slugger

Canada Frigate

Shimmy Car-nage

Texas Cow Cleaner

DogWood

The Floater

How We Played Online Before The Internet

Sports Hernias

Redneck Power Windows

Star Wars Howl

Leaning Bookshelves

Sometimes Dads Are Wet For Work

Dad Sandwich

Months Apart

Swing Dad

Dadspiration

Daddy, Can I Ride It?

Leaf Surgery

No Wheeler

Dad's Ex-Ferrari

Privileged Corvette Parking