Wanting Women

There are no ugly women, only lazy ones. - Helena Rubinstein

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

Woman, the most dangerous of playthings. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. - Virginia Woolf

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. - Joan Rivers

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. - Oscar Wilde

I've been told I'm a role model to many women. - Donald Trump

A wit should be no more sincere than a woman constant. - William Congreve

I think housework is the reason most women go to the office. - Heloise Cruse

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. - Roseanne Barr

I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed. - Henny Youngman

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Some say women are addicted to chocolate. I say we're merely loyal. - Cathy Guisewite

Chance Remark: Anything a man chances to say when two women are talking - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Coquette: A woman without a heart, who makes a fool of a man who has no head - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I want to be a millionaire not for the money but for the woman I will become. - Jaime Tardy

She knew what all smart women knew: Laughter made you live better and longer. - Gail Parent

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - WC Fields

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating. - Oscar Wilde

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. - Oscar Wilde

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost

Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin

A man has to be Joe McCarthy to be called ruthless. All a woman has to do is put you on hold. - Marlo Thomas

Sewing Circle: 1. Where friendship hangs by a thread; 2. A group of women who needle each other. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. - Unknown

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age; a woman who would tell one would tell one anything. - Oscar Wilde

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman

God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him. - Tara Reid

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship. - Oscar Wilde

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

Can't figure women. Sometimes they're afraid of a spider, other times they're not afraid to stand right up to the devil. - Donal Harding

Every man and woman is born into the world to do something unique and distinctive, and if he or she does not do it, it will never be done. - Benjamin E. Mays

Perhaps women have always been in closer contact with reality than men: it would seem to be the just recompense for being deprived of idealism. - Germaine Greer

Under the present circumstances, I would rather be a lap dancer than a woman MP - the hours are better and unruly male members are shown the door. - Allison Pearson