#1 humor site on the 'net

Two Of Each

Religious shopping tip for limiting sales of essential items

Two Of Each thanks to Claire Hines

QuotaBills
Shopping is my cardio. - Carrie Bradshaw

The story of Noah and the whale. - Archie Bunker

These are cathedrals of shopping. - Emile Zola

Tailor Shop: Last of the big-time menders - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Inequality of knowledge is the key to a sale. - Neil O Gustafson

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? - Unknown

It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. - Howard Ruff

Leanardo De Cappuccino: Founder, coffee shop chain - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. - Oscar Wilde

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

A shop should be like a song of which you never tire. - Harry Gordon Selfridge

Malaria: Several shopping centers close to each other - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

Traditional methods of sales prospecting are grossly inefficient. - Jill Konrath

Always plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. - Richard Cushing

I think the family was from Hungaria. (talking about Noah's Ark) - Archie Bunker

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate. - Phyllis Diller

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. - Mark Twain

People don't buy for logical reasons. They buy for emotional reasons. - Zig Ziglar

Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop. - Gertrude Stein

Bargain Sale: A place where a woman can ruin one dress while she buys another - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales. - Stephen Hawking

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

Marketers need to build digital relationships and reputation before closing a sale. - Chris Brogan

Please don't come to my garage sale if you've ever let me borrow something. - Mike Spears

My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn't walk to the donut shop. - Bill Murray

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

Every sale has five basic obstacles: no need, no money, no hurry, no desire, no trust. - Zig Ziglar

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale." - Steven Wright

To me, job titles don't matter. Everyone is in sales. It's the only way we stay in business. - Harvey Mackay

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Too often, sales reps simply regurgitate their presentations and expect to land the sale. It doesn't work. - Harvey Mackay

People shop and learn in a whole new way compared to just a few years ago, so marketers need to adapt or risk extinction. - Brian Halligan

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


How To Float

Redneck Tank Top

Grasping Shirt

Detroit Counterfeit Bill

Hazardous Delivery

Log Out - Here It Comes!

Search and Rescue - Dry Run

Staff Teeth

Media Bondage

How Cumulus Clouds Are Formed

Sports Hernias

Low Expectation Autographs

The Moist Wet Territories

Cat Doormat

Redneck Foosball

Shining Stars

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Bach Flip

Apathy Mountain

My Toaster Is Broken

Solemate

Double Vision

Please Help My Car

Adultery