#1 humor site on the 'net

Tested Positive

Viral Doctor humour for Canadian Political adherents and TP hoarders

Tested Positive thanks to Barry McCartney

QuotaBills
All politics is local. - Thomas P O'Neil

That virus is a pussycat. - Peter Duesberg

All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

Has Beans: Used coffee grounds - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Politics makes strange red-fellows. - Will Rogers

There is no gambling like politics. - Benjamin Disraeli

Politics makes strange postmasters. - Kin Hubbard

I am not a politician, but a soldier. - Idi Amin

A morning without coffee is like sleep. - Unknown

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? - Steven Wright

Your messages are all the coffee I need. - Unknown

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I like my men like I like my coffee. Silent. - Anna Kendrick

Coffee,chocolate, men. The richer the better! - Unknown

Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee? - Albert Camus

From politics, it was an easy step to silence. - Jane Austen

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons. - T S Eliot

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Politics is not a game. It is an earnest business. - Winston Churchill

Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller

Every time somebody gets the Ebola virus, it mutates. - Glenn Beck

Politicians can't manage. All they can do is talk. - Donald Trump

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

The military don't start wars. Politicians start wars. - William Westmoreland

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy. - Martin L. Gross

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It's a terrible shame that politics has become show business. - Sydney Pollack

History is a tool used by politicians to justify their intentions. - Ted Koppei

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. - Simon Cameron

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. - Steven Wright

A politician will do anything to keep his job - even become a patriot. - William Randolph

A politician is a man who approaches every problem with an open mouth. - Adlai Stevenson

Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed. - Mao Zedong

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

I never drink coffee at lunch - I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon. - Ronald Reagan

If politicians and scientists were lazier, how much happier we should all be. - Evelyn Waugh

A filmmaker we almost lost to politics... my friend and colleague, Warren Beatty. - Jack Nicholson

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

The single biggest threat to man's continued dominance on the planet is the virus. - Joshua Lederberg

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

I just want a hot cup of coffee, black, and I don't want to hear about your troubles. - Charles Bukowski

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson

Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it. - Tom Robbins

I don't want a flu jab. I like getting flu. It gives me something else to complain about. - David Letterman

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

Viral marketing is almost like finding love. You have to stop doing it to actually make it happen. - Tim Topham

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joe-k. - Will Rogers

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Animals are like little children a bit. They're simple. They don't have politics driving them. - Annabelle Sabloff

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner. - H L Mencken

It is a win-win for the American people, an idea no conventional politician would have the guts to put forward. - Donald Trump

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I would gladly eat a network executive or a politician. - Marty Feldman

Harold MacMillan is a very intelligent man, who, as so often happens in politics, achieved supreme power too late. - Malcolm Muggeridge

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

In politics it is necessary either to betray one's country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate. - Charles de Gaulle

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

It is inexcusable for scientists to torture animals; let them make their experiments on journalists and politicians. - Henrik Ibsen

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Politicians also have no leisure, because they are always aiming at something beyond political life itself, power and glory, or happiness. - Aristotle

NEED now means wanting someone else's money. GREED means wanting to keep your own. COMPASSION is when a politician arranges the transfer. - Joseph Sobran

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien

Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi


Wife Of The Year

2022 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

GhetToes

Flippin'

Double Vision

Dodgy Ticker

Put On A Happy Face

Yoga Man

Camouflage Driver

Icicle Drinks

TV Weather Forecast

Somebody Spiked My Drink

Work Awareness

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Chicken Roost

Cloud March

Wicked Stawm

Ready To Leave

Google Ice Skating

Twin Dish

DNA Testing Down South

Two Feet Of Snow

Canadian Winter Bed

Sans Seatbelt