#1 humor site on the 'net

Stay Away From Me!

Lawrence of Arabia visits Gibsons, B.C.

Stay Away From Me! thanks to Karen Moore

Better safe than sorry...

Stay Away From Me! thanks to Karen Moore

QuotaBills
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

How much pain have cost us the evils that have never happened. - Thomas Jefferson

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime. - Bette Davis

I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes. - Richard M Nixon

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man. - Dr. Seuss

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

Pain is neither intolerable nor everlasting... it is in the power of the soul to maintain its own serenity. - Marcus Aurelius

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

Just like a shoe, if someone is meant for you, they will fit just perfectly. No forcing, no struggling, and no pain. - Unknown

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

While some pain is probably inevitable in all relationships, successful couples are usually the ones who are able to forgive. - Ilona Boniwell

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

The pain started years ago, but I'd lived with it for so long at that point that I'd accepted it as an inevitable part of me. - Ashley Wallis

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright


Elephant Bus

Redneck Engagement Ring

Forever Clean Toilet

Edible Clock

Up-Set & Hungry Trucks

Bear Pinata

Swim Vacation

What Are Your Skills?

Portable Barber Shop

Snail Trail

Anger Release Machine

Pun-e Signs

Wake Me At Noon

Pringle Art

Lodge Welcome

Holstein or Holestein?

Dead Poirot

Restroom Fragrance

Word Puzzle Clock

Scenic Western Pennsylvania

Free Nobel Peace Prize

Teach Our Children Well

Stair Substitute

Solar System Watch