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Pork is my friend. - Tom Douglas

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? - George Carlin

He makes no friend who never made a foe. - Alfred Tennyson

A hair on the head is worth two on the brush. - Oliver Herford

My friend has false teeth - with braces on them. - Steven Wright

Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing. - Benjamin Franklin

A clown enriched knows neither relation nor friend. - French Proverb

Don't point that beard at me – it might go off. - Groucho Marx

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

A father is the one friend upon whom we can always rely. - Emile Gaboriau

If you pity rogues you are no great friend to honest men. - Thomas Fuller

The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend. - Abraham Lincoln

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. - William Blake

There is no friend like a sister, in calm or stormy weather. - Christina Rossetti

Let the wind blow through your hair while you still have some. - Dave Weinbaum

When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend. - Mark Twain

The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear. - Maya Angelou

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

A friend is someone who can see through you and still enjoys the show. - Farmer's Almanac

A best friend is like a four leaf clover: hard to find, lucky to have. - Unknown

A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Few men have the natural strength to honour a friend's success without envy. - Aeschylus

If you wear a wig, everybody notices. But if you then dye the wig, people notice the dye. - Andy Warhol

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. - Johnny Carson

If two friends ask you to judge a dispute, don't accept, because you will lose one friend. - St. Augustine

I love to put on a wig, a costume, inhabit a different world and be called something different. - Susan Egan

While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil. - John Taylor

Yes, know thyself: in great concerns or small,
Be this thy care, for this, my friend, is all. - Juvenal

No guest is so welcome in a friend's house that he will not become a nuisance after three days. - Plautus

When you start with an insult and end with a compliment, most people only remember where you started. - Faydra D. Fields

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

Knowledge is a deadly friend when no one sets the rules;
The fate of all mankind I see is in the hand of fools. - King Crimson

Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill you and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin

Don't expect your friend to be a perfect person. But help your friend to become a perfect person. That is true friendship. - Mother Teresa

If a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it. - Edgar Watson Howe

Faithfulness is essential to the character of a friend: without this there can be no safety in intimacy with and confidence in him. - Samuel Hopkins

You know, sometimes I feel well and vital in the world, and sometimes I just feel so distressed I want to pull my hair out by the roots. - Sharon Stone

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. - Garrison Keillor

If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere. - Zig Ziglar


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