#1 humor site on the 'net

Shrinking Forest

Trusting axes with wood handles

Shrinking Forest thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Weeping Willow: Sad tree - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Friendship is a sheltering tree. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Follow the grain in your own wood. - Howard Thurman

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Pencil: A tiny tree used to draw a line in the sand - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Whittle By Whittle: How to carve a statue out of wood - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

If you don't like where you are, move. You are not a tree. - Unknown

I can look at the knot in a piece of wood until it frightens me. - William Blake

Disbelief: How you tell someone what the green stuff on a tree is - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The clearest way into the universe is through a forest wilderness. - John Muir

If you tell a joe-k in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joe-k? - Steven Wright

Family Tree: The only tree whose branches seek the shelter of its roots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Zealotry: 1. The enemy of idealism; 2. What a tree salesman likes to do. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Yesterday is ashes; tomorrow wood. Only today does the fire burn brightly. - Eskimo Proverb

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

If we surrendered to earth's intelligence, we could rise up rooted like trees. - Rainer M Rilke

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

Trees are not known by their leaves, nor even by their blossoms, but by their fruits. - Eleanor of Aquitaine

Chocolate comes from coco, which is a tree - that makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad. - Unknown

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

Shady Character: A fellow who snoozes in a hammock under a tree while his wife mows the lawn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The stars are like the trees in the forest, alive and breathing. And they're watching me. - Haruki Murakami

If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four hours sharpening the axe. - Abraham Lincoln

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Kahlil Gibran

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong? - George Carlin

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

Geometry: 1. What the acorn said after it grew up; 2. A tree made up of numbers and letters; 3. Without geometry, life is pointless. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful. - Alice Walker

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery - air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, 'This is what it is to be happy.' - Sylvia Plath

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash


All We Have To Do Is Stand Up

Vacuum Extender

BrownEes

Chinese Puzzle Car

Always Give 100% At Work

Ancient Politician

My Toaster Is Broken

Shining Stars

Tunnel Face

The Bugs Are Bad This Year

Dog Spa

Ostrich Imprint

Local Crabs

World's First Hard Hat

Bird Melons

Bag Hang-Up

LippoPotumus

Haircut For Staff Meetings

Wolf Mode

Undertaker Bike

Throwaway Sport Paper

Pacman Skeleton

Vatican City's New Breakfast Special

Flying Cathedral Excuse