#1 humor site on the 'net

Quarantine Snooker

An apple a day keeps the virus away

Quarantine Snooker thanks to Jim Serritella

QuotaBills
I hid myself in food. - Gordon Ramsay

Keep calm and run the table. - Unknown

Fine words do not produce food. - Nigeria Proverb

The French: Germans with good food. - Fran Lebowitz

Patience is the secret to good food. - Gail Simmons

It's okay to play with your food. - Emeril Lagasse

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - James Thurber

The apple will fall under the apple tree. - Greek Proverb

Food is the most primitive form of comfort. - Sheila Graham

What poison is to food, self-pity is to life. - Oliver C. Wilson

She did not so much cook as assassinate food. - Storm Jameson

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Fran Lebowitz

Char: Common method of cooking over a campfire - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There is no love sincerer than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

Chocolate is more than a food, but less than a drug. - R J Huxtable

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare. - Ed Begley Jr.

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. - Julia Child

You are only master of food that you haven't yet eaten. - Tibet Proverb

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. - Mike Myers

He doesn't dye his hair, he's just prematurely orange. - Gerald Ford

Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why. - Bernard Baruch

I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food. - Unknown

Food is not rational. Food is culture, habit, craving and identity. - Jonathan S Foer

Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments. - Bethenny Frankel

Fang drops so much food on his ties we keep them in the refrigerator. - Phyllis Diller

If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all. - Phyllis Diller

Grocerise: To sell off non-perishable food articles through eBeh channels - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. - Carl Sagan

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. - Gail Sheehy

I always thought that bagels and lox was my soul food, but it turns out it's sushi. - Sara Sheridan

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

From an early age I understood that cooking was never going to be a job, it's a passion. - Gordon Ramsay

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. - JRR Tolkien

Life as pool table,
White is focus,
Others, targets.
Stick is your driving force! - Stricketer

The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases. - Carl Jung

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz

I prefer Hostess fruit pies to pop-up toaster tarts because they don't require as much cooking. - Carrie Snow

If we're not willing to settle for junk living, we certainly shouldn't settle for junk food. - Sally Edwards

The concept that vaccine-induced immunity is superior in any way to natural immunity is sheer nonsense. - Dr Steven Pelech

Our ideas, like orange-plants, spread out in proportion to the size of the box which imprisons the roots. - Edward Bulwer Lytton

My mother always used to say, "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana." - Betty White

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

I wouldn't pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands. - Bill Murray

A burrito is a delicious food item that breaks down all social barriers and leads to temporary spiritual enlightenment. - Lisi Harrison

If you maintain a healthy diet, or at least are smart about your food choices, you'll still see the pounds come off. - Misty May-Treanor

I like simple food, seasoned with just salt, pepper, oil and vinegar. Complicated food and complicated lives are never good. - Sirio Maccioni

I like Pirate's Booty. Prunes and olives, too. I love hummus. I can eat that until I die. I tend to eat mostly organic food. - Queen Latifah

I like a well-roasted rotisserie chicken and eggs cooked various ways like sunny-side up or scrambled. It's comfort food for me. - Joel Robuchion

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans. - Kelli Jae Baeli

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock

Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso


Devoted Husband

Statue of Libertea

Beaver Stretching

Social Media Explained

Famous Equations

Ain't Mowing the Lawn Anymore

Crocpox

Deer Me!

Inverted Helicopter

Water Hat

NASCAR Fan - Diehard Category

Busted

Build It - They Will Come

Exhausted Baby

Monkeypox II

Overloaded Bookshop

Grass Leak

Family Tent

False Dreams

Fishnet Stockings

Saskatchewan Freeway

They All Look So Jacozy

Sunset Eclipse

Ikea Blueprint