#1 humor site on the 'net

Quarantine Snooker

An apple a day keeps the virus away

Quarantine Snooker thanks to Jim Serritella

QuotaBills
Tacos are the food of genius. - Heather Brewer

Food tastes better when you wear it. - Erin Dealey

It's okay to play with your food. - Emeril Lagasse

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - James Thurber

A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb

What poison is to food, self-pity is to life. - Oliver C. Wilson

She did not so much cook as assassinate food. - Storm Jameson

There is no love sincerer than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw

I'm tired of recipes assuming I have a stove. - Kevin Farzad

You don't need a silver fork to eat good food. - Paul Prudhomme

Food is our common ground, a universal experience. - James Beard

Food tastes best when you eat it with your own spoon. - Denmark Proverb

People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris

You are only master of food that you haven't yet eaten. - Tibet Proverb

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. - Mike Myers

California: A fine place to live if you happen to be an orange - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. - Jane Austen

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it. - Steven Wright

I was so drunk, I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food. - Will Ferell

I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food. - Unknown

Food is not rational. Food is culture, habit, craving and identity. - Jonathan S Foer

The most sudden and visible good effects were from oranges and lemons. - James Lind

If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all. - Phyllis Diller

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Your food is close to your stomach, but you must put it in your mouth first. - African Saying

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. - Chris Rock

What else is there to live for? Chinese food and women. There is nothing else! - Dudley Moore

Exercise is king, nutrition is queen. Put them together and you have a kingdom. - Jack LaLanne

On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners. - George Mikes

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. - A.J. Liebling

In Hollywood, the women are all peaches. It makes one long for an apple occasionally. - W Somerset Maugham

Fishing is not like billiards, in which it is possible to attain a disgusting perfection. - Arthur Ransome

Every gentleman plays billiards, but someone who plays billiards too well, is no gentleman. - Thomas Jefferson

From an early age I understood that cooking was never going to be a job, it's a passion. - Gordon Ramsay

Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food. - Jimmy Fallon

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again. - George Miller

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. - JRR Tolkien

I like spaghetti bolognese, I like baked beans on toast. I hate French food. I hate fancy food. - Simon Cowell

The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases. - Carl Jung

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz

Number theorists are like lotus-eaters – having once tasted of this food they can never give it up. - Leopold Kronecker

Most fat food is fried. Fried food tastes great, and people don't seem to care about the fat aspect. - Eric Schlosser

Food: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for dinner tonight?" - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. - Socrates

Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah

I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna-fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. - Barbara Harrison

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

For a great gaming experience, make sure the rails, cushion and slate of the pool table are of the best quality. - Unknown

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did. - P.J. O'Rourke

Malenutrition: The practice of depriving a man from food for more than a couple of hours - or during a football game - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you maintain a healthy diet, or at least are smart about your food choices, you'll still see the pounds come off. - Misty May-Treanor

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

Woke up, it was a Chelsea morning, and the first thing that I knew
There was milk and toast and honey and a bowl of oranges, too. - Joni Mitchell

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. - Red Skelton

I like a quiet evening with family or friends over, great food and great discussion, and a lot of laughter. That's really what fills my tank. - Anna Eshoo

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock

Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso


If You're Happy And You Know It

Deer Hunter Tattoo

Nope, Didn't See A Thing

Man Sues Wife Over Make-Up

Down Under Bronco Riding For Kids

Re-Ewes Me

It's A Keeper

Plankstanders

Millionaire Women

Laptop Cooler

Scan Scam

Motorcycle Taxi

I've Got Time

Clangeroo

Redneck Cooler

Instead Of Flowers

Mt. Rushmore from the Canadian Side

I Love Summer

Karma Towing

Salmon-chanted Evening

Hands On Tree

Fart Facts

New Medicare Program for Senior Citizens

Down Under Bat