#1 humor site on the 'net

Halloween Beer Dispenser

How Jack lights up his lantern

Halloween Beer Dispenser thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

I only eat candy on Halloween. - Michael Trevino

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Forget Cutie, I'd rather be Pumpkin! - Unknown

I've made a career off of Halloween. - Cassandra Peterson

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

My only career goal is to be a Halloween icon. - Nuno Roque

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on. - River Phoenix

Halloween pumpkins aglow.
Come see the show. - Unknown

Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. - Judy Gold

Produce great pumpkins, the pies will follow later. - Unknown

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

Only the knife knows what goes on in the heart of a pumpkin. - Simone Schwarz-Bart

There is magic in the night when pumpkins glow by moonlight. - Unknown

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Studio 54 made Halloween in Hollywood look like a PTA meeting. - Lorna Luft

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

I love the spirit of Halloween and the energy that comes with it. - Katharine McPhee

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night. - Steve Almond

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a real Halloween kind of guy, because Halloween is every day. - Al Jourgensen

The idea of dying and coming back is what makes the Halloween films work. - Donald Pleasence

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,
May luck be yours on Halloween. - Unknown

This poor pumpkin gave in to rot,
and all that's left is pumpkin snot. - Shirley Thomas

I love you more than pumpkin spice latte but please don't make me prove it! - Unknown

My favorite word is 'pumpkin.' You are a pumpkin. Or you are not. I am. - Harrison E. Salisbury

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

I actually have a stash of wigs for Halloween. But only for that. Not to play dress-up. - Alexa Vega

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

Message boards are like going to a Halloween masquerade party. Everybody has a screen name. - John Mackey

Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween every day. - Gwen Stefani

Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch

Seems like Americans just want it to be Halloween all year. The holiday just keeps getting more popular. - Amity Shlaes

We used to go around tipping outhouses over, or turning over corn shocks on Halloween. Anything to be mean. - Loretta Lynn

The pumpkin hearing, "Let's carve and scoop,"
Ran fast as he could, leaving pumpkin poop. - Shirley Thomas

Nudist Colony Halloween parties are especially scary. They give the word 'moon' a new cruel meaning. - Ray Palla

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

The farther we've gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we've come to need Halloween. - Paula Guran

If human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween. - Douglas Coupland

Halloween is a day in which some people choose to wear a mask, while others finally feel safe to take theirs off. - Steve Maraboli

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

All Halloween candy pales next to candy corn, if only because candy corn used to appear, like the Great Pumpkin, solely on Halloween. - Rosecrans Baldwin

Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year. I have a strict rule: I don't work on Halloween and I won't travel on Halloween. - Simon Sinek

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good one are either taken or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon. - Unknown

All my life, I have been a celebrant of Halloween. For me, it is the most important day of the year, the turning point in the old pagan calendar. - John Burnside

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien


Sidewalk Malt Melt

Redneck Post Support

Indiana Jeans

First Performance

Puzzle Makers

Fishing Dog

Twins' First Piano Lesson

Black Sheep Friday

Black Friday Scam

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Aussie Gazpacho

Too Much Turkey

Best Friend Theft

Baconurkey

Biggest Turkeys

Turkey Day Selfie

Redneck Turkey Shoot

Grandma's Beautiful Pies

Going Cold Turkey

Run, Turkey, Run

Carving The Turkey

Thanksgiving Harvest Time

Turkey Wants You To Eat Pork

Nintendo Motor