#1 humor site on the 'net

Getting It To Work

Orange you glad you're not a Halloween mechanic?

Getting It To Work thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

Vanguard: A person who protects trucks - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I've made a career off of Halloween. - Cassandra Peterson

Give your stress wings and let it fly away. - Gerri Guillemets

My only career goal is to be a Halloween icon. - Nuno Roque

Halloween pumpkins aglow.
Come see the show. - Unknown

Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. - Judy Gold

Produce great pumpkins, the pies will follow later. - Unknown

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Only the knife knows what goes on in the heart of a pumpkin. - Simone Schwarz-Bart

There is magic in the night when pumpkins glow by moonlight. - Unknown

Studio 54 made Halloween in Hollywood look like a PTA meeting. - Lorna Luft

I love the spirit of Halloween and the energy that comes with it. - Katharine McPhee

We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Reality: The leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. - Lily Tomlin

Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night. - Steve Almond

A real New Yorker likes the sound of a garbage truck in the morning. - R.L. Stine

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

Too much homework can cause stress, depression and even lower grades. - Unknown

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck. - Jackie Mason

LAN: To borrow as in, 'Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck.'” - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Pickup artist: An artist whose specialty is painting pictures of trucks - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Stress is an important dragon to slay - or at least tame - in your life. - Marilu Henner

Window: 1. A looking-out glass; 2. Place in the truck to hang your guns. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

A diamond is just a piece of coal that handles stress exceptionally well. - Unknown

You ain't going nowhere, son. You ought to go back to driving a truck. - Jim Denny

God will never give you anything you can't handle, so don't stress. - Kelly Clarkson

I see religion more as a truck stop on your way to figuring out who you are. - Brad Pitt

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one. - Hans Selye

This poor pumpkin gave in to rot,
and all that's left is pumpkin snot. - Shirley Thomas

I love you more than pumpkin spice latte but please don't make me prove it! - Unknown

My favorite word is 'pumpkin.' You are a pumpkin. Or you are not. I am. - Harrison E. Salisbury

Most stress is caused by people who overestimate the importance of their problems. - Michael LeBoeuf

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

I actually have a stash of wigs for Halloween. But only for that. Not to play dress-up. - Alexa Vega

When I got outta High School I was driving a truck. I was just a poor boy from Memphis. - Elvis Presley

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

In times of great stress or adversity, plow your anger and your energy into something positive. - Lee Iacocca

Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween every day. - Gwen Stefani

I'd rather sit alone on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion. - Henry David Thoreau

Everything's challenging for me, singing-wise. I'm like an old truck with one gear left on it. - Michael McDonald

Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch

Unlucky: Crossing the street to avoid walking under a ladder and getting hit by a truck full of horseshoes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We used to go around tipping outhouses over, or turning over corn shocks on Halloween. Anything to be mean. - Loretta Lynn

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?' - Drew Carey

Nudist Colony Halloween parties are especially scary. They give the word 'moon' a new cruel meaning. - Ray Palla

If human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween. - Douglas Coupland

Halloween is a day in which some people choose to wear a mask, while others finally feel safe to take theirs off. - Steve Maraboli

Transformation also means looking for ways to stop pushing yourself so hard professionally or inviting so much stress. - Gail Sheehy

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

She ran after the garbage truck yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
The driver said, "No, jump in!" - Red Skelton

Jawjuh: (Southern) A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck." - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Animals are not our selfie props. If there's any risk that your photo is going to hurt or stress an animal, it's not worth it. - Angela Henderson

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good one are either taken or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon. - Unknown

Instead of doing cinnamon, nutmeg, and all those baking spices I'll have one spice that's for sweets, and that's pumpkin pie spice. - Sandra Lee

All my life, I have been a celebrant of Halloween. For me, it is the most important day of the year, the turning point in the old pagan calendar. - John Burnside

To be a champion, you have to learn to handle stress and pressure. But if you've prepared mentally and physically, you don't have to worry. - Harvey Mackay

I love the scents of winter! For me, it's all about the feeling you get when you smell pumpkin spice, cinnamon, nutmeg, gingerbread and spruce. - Taylor Swift


Tel Aviv Luxury Penthouse

Caffeine Boosters

Head Path

Proper English

Reese Witherspoon

Phones At Six

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Whiskey Lurks Good

Tetris Couch

Canadian Alphabet

Love Rocks

Benadryl Cumquat

In It For The Long Haul

Ready Soon

Mud Flops

Been Lapped

How To Use The New 1940 Dial Telephone

Garmin Drive

Redneck Bucket List

Rotating Illusion - Pink Eye Trick

Boneless Bananas

That's My Bed

Eye For Coffee