#1 humor site on the 'net

For Americans

The melting pot

For Americans thanks to Celia Barton

QuotaBills
A good chief gives, he does not take. - Mohawk Proverb

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

American cheese is the perfect soft taco. - Wylie Dufresne

Canadians are Americans with no Disneyland. - Margaret Mahy

I'm as single as a slice of American cheese. - Nick Cannon

We can get all the Indians we need at the reservoir. - Samuel Goldwyn

I came along when the black American needed an image. - Jesse Owens

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography. - Ambrose Bierce

I pledge myself to a New Deal for the American people. - Franklin D Roosevelt

American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense. - Ed Howe

Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink. - Gore Vidal

Americans love popcorn, and their love doesn't quit. - Rosecrans Baldwin

You can't have all chiefs; you gotta have Indians too. - American Proverb

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

The American Way of life, si! The American Way of death, no! - Archie Bunker

If our American way of life fails the child, it fails us all. - Pearl S. Buck

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. - Will Rogers

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain

Canadian cities looked the way American cities did on television. - William Gibson

Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. - Homer Simpson

Vegetarian: an old Indian word for "doesn't hunt well." - Paul Harvey

Never criticize Americans. They have the best taste that money can buy. - Miles Kington

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. - H L Mencken

The most important question in American cinema is "When is lunch?" - Tommy Lee Jones

The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office. - Will Rogers

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotsmen in America and Americans in Scotland - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them. - George Bernard Shaw

Patriotic American: One who never orders from a menu anything he can't pronounce - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I do know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together. - Charles Dickens

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. - A.J. Liebling

All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn. - Ernest Hemingway

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. - George Carlin

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker. - Robin Williams

That's what Columbus said to the Indians just before he gypped 'em out of Manhattan. - Archie Bunker

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object. - Laurence J Peter

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Indian people, we are proud of our cheapness. You are never gonna insult us by calling us cheap. - Russell Peters

Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went. - John Updike

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. - Ambrose Bierce

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas. - Ian Fleming

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed.
But we're going back next week. - Groucho Marx

Indians are so dedicated to being so cheap for so long, that Indian people actually created the number zero. - Russell Peters

The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love. - Margaret Atwood

It is a win-win for the American people, an idea no conventional politician would have the guts to put forward. - Donald Trump

Where is Hollywood located? Chiefly between the ears. In that part of the American brain lately vacated by God. - Erica Jong

They're picking bananas in Brazil and them Indians down there, they don't care about what you look like. - Archie Bunker

Americans still believe in an America where anything's possible - they just don't think their leaders do. - Barack Obama

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. - Benjamin Franklin

I have never had to face anything that could overwhelm the native optimism and stubborn perseverance I was blessed with. - Sonia Sotomayor

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. - Gore Vidal

If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

The road to success is not easy to navigate, but with hard work, drive and passion, it's possible to achieve the American dream. - Tommy Hilfiger

Our future cannot depend on the government alone. The ultimate solutions lie in the attitudes and the actions of the American people. - Joe Biden

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest. - George Carlin

The politicians in Washington are spending trillions of dollars of our money. When are Americans going to stand up and say enough is enough? - Joe Wurzelbacher


Ukrainian Power Adaptor

Dementia Purse

Hedge Race Car

Quebec Stop Sign

Perkatory

Bike Storage

Playground Child Eliminator

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Sidecar

Glass World - Where Plumbers Buy

Three Wise Women

Wrench Dinosaur

One More Drop

Idling Eric Idle

High Heel Diver

Rising To The Occasion

Annual Meeting of the Ontario Summer Tires Club

I See You

Get Off Your High Horse

Redneck Towing

Revenge of the Stallion

Rat Cut

Spot the Hidden Barred Owl

Smoking Hot Body