#1 humor site on the 'net

Don't Touch Your Face

Visual non-endorsement from an infectious disease expert

Don't Touch Your Face thanks to Bill Fast

Infectious disease expert Anthony Fauci says he can't stop The Donald talking at briefings

QuotaBills
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

I touch the future. I teach. - Christa McAuliffe

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Humanity is just a virus with shoes. - Bill Hicks

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Language is a virus from outer space. - William S Burroughs

Astrology is a disease, not a science. - Maimonides

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

IN GOD WE TRUST: All others we virus scan - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

When you treat a disease, first treat the mind. - Chen Jen

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

She caught a touch of laryngosis from the smoke. - Archie Bunker

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

Mathematical genius and artistic genius touch one another. - Gosta Mittag-Leffler

Those who have the disease called Jesus will never be cured. - Brennan Manning

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

We can't predict what a virus we've never seen will do. - Marc Lipsitch

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind. - Albert Einstein

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

Couples are jigsaw puzzles that hang together by touching in just enough points. - Diane Ackerman

When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it cannot be cured. - Anton Chekhov

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

The single biggest threat to man's continued dominance on the planet is the virus. - Joshua Lederberg

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Not enough people know what Lyme disease is and the dangers of being bitten by an insect. - Gigi Hadid

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Disease is war with the laws of our being, and all war, as a great general has said, is hell. - Lewis G. Janes

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

As it takes two to make a quarrel, so it takes two to make a disease, the microbe and its host. - Charles V. Chapin

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Puttering is really a time to be alone, to dream and to get in touch with yourself. To putter is to discover. - Alexandra Stoddard

I think I have a disease called spontaneous disclosure. I need to tell everyone my life story instantaneously. - Kelly Ripa

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

People can remain PCR positive for up to 12 weeks after infection and long after they are transmissible and infectious. - Rochelle Walensky

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie

Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown

He either fears his fate too much,
Or his deserts are small,
Who dares not put it to the touch
To gain or lose it all - Marquis of Montrose

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

These are stupid people that say, "Oh didn't Trump declare bankruptcy? Didn't he go bankrupt?" I didn't go bankrupt. - Donald Trump

Hastiness and superficiality are the psychic diseases of the 20th century, and more than anywhere else this disease is reflected in the press. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha

In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart


Drumset Motorcycle

Brick Shoes

Custer's Last Stand?

Hand Held Tourist

Curly Heels

Bottle Sneakret

Removed Posts

Second Hand Work

Ostrich Fill Up

Calory Bomb

Interuption Charge

Reach For Your Dreams

Perception

Jeopardy Measuring Cup

All We Have To Do Is Stand Up

Vacuum Extender

BrownEes

Chinese Puzzle Car

Always Give 100% At Work

Ancient Politician

My Toaster Is Broken

Shining Stars

Tunnel Face

The Bugs Are Bad This Year