#1 humor site on the 'net

Doctor Protest

If one could only understand their handwriting...

Doctor Protest thanks to Barry McCartney

QuotaBills
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown

Drill Sergeant: An army dentist. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

The lady doth protest too much, methinks. - William Shakespeare

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw

Though physician to others, yet himself full of sores. - Latin Proverb

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb

Mental Block: A street on which several psychiatrists live - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson

Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. - Phyllis Diller

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel

Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Psychiatrists: People with the same problems as anyone else, but with an accent - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Barium: 1. What Doctors do when treatment fails; 2. What you do when CPR fails. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest. - Elie Wiesel

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

Psychiatrists say it's not good for man to keep too much to himself. The Internal Revenue Service says the same thing. - Harold Smith

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson

The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles

A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct. - Samuel Butler


Awning Truck Advertising

Plugged In

Org Chart - Simplified Version

Extreme Value

Instant Acrophobia

How To Hire Engineers

Business School Basics

Waterwheel Rotisserie

Elephant Bus

Promote Yourself

Time Machine

Redneck Engagement Ring

Forever Clean Toilet

Edible Clock

Up-Set & Hungry Trucks

Bear Pinata

Swim Vacation

What Are Your Skills?

Portable Barber Shop

Snail Trail

Anger Release Machine

Pun-e Signs

Wake Me At Noon

Pringle Art