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That virus is a pussycat. - Peter Duesberg

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction. - Pierre Pachet

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


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