Can I Lick It

Mother is a verb, not a noun. - Shonda Rhimes

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Fearlessness is the mother of reinvention. - Arianna Huffington

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

Getting caught is the mother of invention. - Robert Byrne

I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. - Unknown

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy. - Spanish Proverb

The phrase working mother is redundant. - Jane Sellman

Necessity, who is the mother of our invention. - Plato

My grandmother made dying her life's work. - Hugh Leonard

The best place to cry is on a mother's arms. - Jodi Picoult

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. - Oprah Winfrey

The best part of him ran down his mother's legs. - Jackie Gleason

This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh

A mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled. - Emily Dickinson

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. - Greg Norman

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

A mother's arms are more comforting than anyone else's. - Princess Diana

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

My mom always said normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. - Wynonna Judd

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother. - Unknown

My grandmother took a bath every year, whether she was dirty or not. - Brendan Behan

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

The story of a mother's life: trapped between a scream and a hug. - Cathy Guisewite

It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. - Dorothy

The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - John Wooden

There's only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - English Proverb

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology. - Ray Romano

My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle. - Phyllis Diller

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. - Groucho Marx

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones. - Mignon McLaughlin

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. - Marion C. Garretty

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

Enthusiasm is the mother of effort, and without it nothing great was ever achieved. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt. - Woodrow Wilson

My mom was fair. You never knew whether she was going to swing with her right or her left. - Herb Caen

I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know. - Mitch Albom

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy - the mother. - Claudette Colbert

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

Sayin' grace - it's just thankin' Mother Nature, whose 1st name just happens to be Grace. - Archie Bunker

Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall. A mother's secret hope outlives them all. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

You really don't need to study how to change a diaper. As a new mom, you learn pretty darn quickly! - Ivanka Trump

If I have done anything in life worth attention, I feel sure that I inherited the disposition from my mother. - Booker T. Washington

Drunk Man: "I can't bear fools."
Dorothy Parker: "Apparently your mother could." - Dorothy Parker

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt. "What are you making?" "A salt lick." - Steven Wright

By embracing your mother wound as your yoga, you transform what has been a hindrance in your life into a teacher of the heart. - Phillip Moffitt

I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized that to many people he is not a sex symbol, but a mother image. - David Bowie

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake

Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark ... to have been loved so deeply ... will give us some protection forever. - J K Rowling

Secretary: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law." WC Fields: "Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible." - WC Fields

Education commences on the mother's knee, and every word spoken within hearsay of little children tends toward the formation of character. - Hosea Ballou

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda

Chutzpa is that quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. - Leo Rosten