Buy One Get One Free

No one vinces me, baby - Michael Grant

A baby's laugh is an angel's voice. - Unknown

One hour with a child is like a ten-mile run. - Joan B. Samuelson

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

De-caffeinated: What a cow gets when it has a baby - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A rich child often sits in a poor mother's lap. - Danish Proverb

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to. - Robert Brault

The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child. - Joe Houldsworth

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J Burke

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

Experience is the child of thought, and thought is the child of action. - Benjamin Disraeli

I love you like crazy, baby
'Cuz I'd go crazy without you. - Pixie Foudre

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

There's only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - English Proverb

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. - Dave Barry

There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are two things in this life for which we are never fully prepared: twins. - Josh Billingsad

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. - Demetri Martin

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Vasectomy: 1. Never having to say you're sorry; 2. Spoil the rod. Spare the child. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children. - Dave Barry

People always ask me, "Were you funny as a child?" Well, no, I was an accountant. - Ellen DeGeneres

What is so real as the cry of a child? A rabbit's cry may be wilder but it has no soul. - Sylvia Plath

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. - Bill Cosby

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

Teaching a child not to step on a caterpillar is as valuable to the child as it is to the caterpillar. - Bradley Miller

There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock

A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate. - Donald Trump

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

The child should gain no request by anger; when he is quiet let him be offered what was refused when he wept. - Seneca

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

The only way we can ever teach a child to say "I'm sorry" is for him to hear it from our lips first. - Kevin Leman

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up. - Will Rogers

A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason; to always be curious; and to fight tirelessly for something. - Paulo Coelho

I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely. - Mary Pickford

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin