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A child is a curly dimpled lunatic. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Babies are such a nice way to start people. - Don Herold

It takes an entire village to raise a child. - African Proverb

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to. - Robert Brault

If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm. - Bruce Barton

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader. - Jackson Radcliffe

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Experience is the child of thought, and thought is the child of action. - Benjamin Disraeli

I love you like crazy, baby
'Cuz I'd go crazy without you. - Pixie Foudre

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

Four very powerful words to say to your child: "I believe in you." - Kevin Heath

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test. - George W. Bush

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. - Unknown

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. - Pablo Picasso

People always ask me, "Were you funny as a child?" Well, no, I was an accountant. - Ellen DeGeneres

When I was a child, I wanted to raise horses in Wyoming or be a cabin boy on a pirate ship. - Sadie Jones

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. - Bill Cosby

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

We ought to be doing all we can to make it possible for every child to fulfill his or her God-given potential. - Hillary Rodham Clinton

The only way we can ever teach a child to say "I'm sorry" is for him to hear it from our lips first. - Kevin Leman

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Spare the rod and spoil the child - that is true. But, beside the rod, keep an apple to give him when he has done well. - Martin Luther

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children. - Bill Hicks

I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up. - Will Rogers

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely. - Mary Pickford

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Our babies are like penguins; penguin babies can't exist unless more than one person is taking care of them. They just can't keep going. - Alison Gopnik


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