#1 humor site on the 'net

Buy One Get One Free

Twinspiration comes in pairs

Buy One Get One Free thanks to Jim Serritella

QuotaBills
Nipper: Baby crab - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ballroom: A nursery for crying babies - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

De-caffeinated: What a cow gets when it has a baby - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

For when a child is born the mother also is born again. - Gilbert Parker

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark

If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm. - Bruce Barton

There is never a problem child; there is only a problem parent. - A.S. Neill

One child, one teacher, one book, one pen can change the world. - Malala Yousafzai

To a child's ear, 'mother' is magic in any language. - Arlene Benedict

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

When I was a child what I wanted to be when I grew up was an invalid. - Quentin Crisp

Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death. - Albert Einstein

Kidnapping: The short snatches of rest a parent gets when baby sleeps - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Experience is the child of thought, and thought is the child of action. - Benjamin Disraeli

Clients don't care about the labor pains; they want to see the baby. - Tim Williams

The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and obsolescence. - Art Linkletter

You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test. - George W. Bush

There are two things in this life for which we are never fully prepared: twins. - Josh Billingsad

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed. - Robert Gallagher

There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. - Walt Streightiff

People always ask me, "Were you funny as a child?" Well, no, I was an accountant. - Ellen DeGeneres

Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable. - Lane Olinghouse

There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

Every child should have an occasional pat on the back as long as it is applied low enough and hard enough. - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen

The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm. - Aldous Huxley

Success is the child of drudgery and perseverance. It cannot be coaxed or bribed; pay the price and it is yours. - Orison Swett Marden

Play is a vital learning medium for a child. In a sense play is his work. And he discovers knowledge for himself. - Raymond Moore

Unbreakable Toy: 1. An object that is indestructible - until a child plays with it; 2. Useful for breaking other toys. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Every time a child says, "I don't believe in fairies," there is a little fairy somewhere that falls down dead. - Sir James M. Barrie

Any fool can have a child. That doesn't make you a father. It's the courage to raise a child that makes you a father. - Barack Obama

Forgiveness is that subtle thread that binds both love and friendship. Without forgiveness, you may not even have a child one day. - George Foreman

It takes someone really brave to be a mother, someone strong to raise a child, and someone special to love someone more than herself. - Unknown

Play is the highest expression of human development in childhood for it alone is the free expression of what is in a child's soul. - Friedrich Frobel

In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot more coming along. - Antonin Scalia

The heart of who I am as a person and as a man is forgiveness, after forgiving my father for a lot of things that were done when I was a child. - Tyler Perry

A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm. - Bill Vaughan


Socialist Job

Graveyard Sundae

Portable Dog Carriers

No More Arguing

Transformers Garage

Soccer Ball Building

Country Office

Lord Of The Rinse

Introvert Soap

No Drowning

Window View

Vanishing Underwater Roller Coaster

Simple Surgery

Applelicious

Fried Eggs - Military Style

Tourist Baggage

Amish Sailboat

Aging Cyclist

Best Tea Cup

Shoddy Goaltending - Not

Roller Derby Princess

Redneck Hotter Tub

Walk The Line

Sidewalk Jammies