#1 humor site on the 'net

ACHTUNG!

German Operator Instructions

ACHTUNG! thanks to Karen Moore

Nicht Fur Dummkopfen, Gerfingerpoken Und Mittengrabben

QuotaBills
Engineering with fabric. - Jean Muir

History is a vast early warning system. - Norman Cousins

German headshrinker named Sigmund Fruit - Archie Bunker

The engineering is secondary to the vision. - Cynthia Ozick

Luck is largely a matter of paying attention. - Susan M. Dodd

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt. - Robert Redford

The true art of memory is the art of attention. - Samuel Johnson

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain! - The Wizard of Oz

If you want to get my attention, wear a pirate outfit. - Michelle Branch

If you're confused you're not paying attention. - Unknown

Some German words are so long that they have perspective. - Mark Twain

Germany is a fortress, but it is a fortress without a roof. - Franklin D Roosevelt

Germlish: Training done using a mixture of English & German - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I have an attention span that's as long as it has to be. - Donald Trump

Germany may have recovered a flying saucer as early as 1939. - Jimmy Doolittle

No man is lonely eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention. - Christopher Morley

Don't listen to their words, fix your attention on their deeds. - Albert Einstein

England is an empire, Germany is a nation, a race, France is a person. - Jules Michelet

No man is lonely while eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention. - Christopher Morley

The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention. - Richard Moss

Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it. - Mary Oliver

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

45 caliber German Shmowzer - a 38 caliber German Floogle with a telephonic site - Archie Bunker

Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention. - Jim Rohn

Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes. - Antisthenes

In the successful organization, no detail is too small to escape close attention. - Lou Holtz

My husband's German. Every night I get dressed up as Poland and he invades me. - Bette Midler

To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say. I just watch what they do. - Andrew Carnegie

Don't pay any attention to what they write about you. Just measure it in inches. - Andy Warhol

Scientists discover the world that exists; engineers create the world that never was. - Theodore von Karman

The difference between misery and happiness depends on what we do with our attention. - Sharon Salzberg

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. - Catherine Aird

Success is 1 percent inspiration, 99 percent perspiration, and 2 percent attention to detail. - Phil

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

The German is like a willow. No matter which way you bend him, he will always take root again. - Alexander Solzhenitsyn

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We are just tenants on this earth. We have been given a new lease, and a warning from the landlord. - Unknown

One has to look out for engineers - they begin with sewing machines and end up with the atomic bomb. - Marcel Pagnol

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

In Moscow they do not pay much attention to the living but keep their cemeteries in a splendid state. - George Mikes

I attract to my life whatever I give my attention, energy and focus to, whether positive or negative. - Michael Losier

The majesty of faith is that it teaches us to see what exists, not merely what catches our attention. - Jonathan Sacks

Speakers who talk about what life has taught them never fail to keep the attention of their listeners. - Dale Carnegie

Never pay attention to what critics say. Remember, a statue has never been set up in honor of a critic. - Jean Sibelius

Whatever music sounds like, I am glad to say that it does not sound in the smallest degree like German. - Oscar Wilde

There is no such thing as an attention span. People have infinite attention if you are entertaining them. - Jerry Seinfeld

The attention economy is not growing, which means we have to grab the attention that someone else has today. - Brent Leary

If I have done anything in life worth attention, I feel sure that I inherited the disposition from my mother. - Booker T. Washington

Those who are unhappy have no need for anything in this world but people capable of giving them their attention. - Simone Weil

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. - Albert Einstein

It is questionable if all the mechanical inventions yet made have lightened the day's toil of any human being. - John S Mill

The reason we are so pleased to find other people's secrets is that it distracts public attention from our own. - Oscar Wilde

The minute there's a map, there is no art. Paint by numbers is not art. Paint by numbers is a mechanical activity. - Seth Godin

Toward the north, from there shone Frederick, the North Star, around whom Germany, Europe, even the world seemed to turn. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

One of the most wonderful things about life is that we must regularly stop what we are doing and devote our attention to eating. - Samuel Johnson

To maintain a powerful life force, forget yourself, forget about living and dying, and bring your full attention into this moment. - H E Davey

Fearlessness requires attention and receptivity - it takes focus to stand in the still eye of a tornado and not be swept away by it. - Susan Piver

God has infinite attention to spare for each one of us. You are as much alone with him as if you were the only being he had ever created. - C S Lewis

One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating. - Luciano Pavarotti

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

They submitted bills, and we paid them. Then we checked the engineering reports and found out that we had paid them far more than we owed them. - Donald Trump

Whenever you are embarrassed, just remember that in 1999 NASA destroyed a $655 Million project because the engineers mistook kilograms and pounds. - Unknown

Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all. - John Kenneth Galbraith


Husband Colors

Soccer Watch

Finger Lickin' Good!

Scottish Variant

Knight Room

FIFA HQ

Spot The Surfer

Finally Got The Sink Fixed

Antique iPhones

Spongebob Suarez

Auto Correct Passing

Computer Resuscitation

PonyTale

Husband of the Year

Child Disarma-meant

Ancient Greek Stormtrooper

Ferrous Wheel

Dese Are My Bebies

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Big Boots To Fill

Redneck Dog Kennel

Mom Posting

Flying is so Overrated

Too Short