#1 humor site on the 'net

ACHTUNG!

German Operator Instructions

ACHTUNG! thanks to Karen Moore

Nicht Fur Dummkopfen, Gerfingerpoken Und Mittengrabben

QuotaBills
Engineering with fabric. - Jean Muir

Life is too short to learn German. - Richard Porson

Germinate: To become a German citizen - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

History is a vast early warning system. - Norman Cousins

German headshrinker named Sigmund Fruit - Archie Bunker

The engineering is secondary to the vision. - Cynthia Ozick

Architecture begins where engineering ends. - Walter Gropius

Luck is largely a matter of paying attention. - Susan M. Dodd

The writer is the engineer of the human soul. - Joseph Stalin

Beautiful things don't ask for attention. - Steve Conrad

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt. - Robert Redford

The true art of memory is the art of attention. - Samuel Johnson

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain! - The Wizard of Oz

I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention. - Unknown

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

If you want to get my attention, wear a pirate outfit. - Michelle Branch

Some German words are so long that they have perspective. - Mark Twain

The simple act of paying attention can take you a long way. - Keanu Reeves

Germany is a fortress, but it is a fortress without a roof. - Franklin D Roosevelt

Germlish: Training done using a mixture of English & German - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions. - Unknown

Germany may have recovered a flying saucer as early as 1939. - Jimmy Doolittle

No warning can save a people determined to grow suddenly rich. - Lord Overstone

No man is lonely eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention. - Christopher Morley

Don't listen to their words, fix your attention on their deeds. - Albert Einstein

Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it. - Mary Oliver

Guarantee: A legal vehicle which expires on the same day as your mechanical one - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention. - Jim Rohn

Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes. - Antisthenes

In the successful organization, no detail is too small to escape close attention. - Lou Holtz

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do. - Andrew Carnegie

My husband's German. Every night I get dressed up as Poland and he invades me. - Bette Midler

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say. I just watch what they do. - Andrew Carnegie

Scientists discover the world that exists; engineers create the world that never was. - Theodore von Karman

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

Success is 1 percent inspiration, 99 percent perspiration, and 2 percent attention to detail. - Phil

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

I pay no attention whatever to anybody's praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings. - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

The ability to focus attention on important things is a defining characteristic of intelligence. - Robert J. Shiller

The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable. - Lane Olinghouse

In solitude we give passionate attention to our lives, to our memories, to the details around us. - Virginia Woolf

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We are just tenants on this earth. We have been given a new lease, and a warning from the landlord. - Unknown

One has to look out for engineers - they begin with sewing machines and end up with the atomic bomb. - Marcel Pagnol

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

I attract to my life whatever I give my attention, energy and focus to, whether positive or negative. - Michael Losier

The majesty of faith is that it teaches us to see what exists, not merely what catches our attention. - Jonathan Sacks

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world. - George Washington Carver

Never pay attention to what critics say. Remember, a statue has never been set up in honor of a critic. - Jean Sibelius

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

There is no such thing as an attention span. People have infinite attention if you are entertaining them. - Jerry Seinfeld

If I have done anything in life worth attention, I feel sure that I inherited the disposition from my mother. - Booker T. Washington

Those who are unhappy have no need for anything in this world but people capable of giving them their attention. - Simone Weil

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. - Albert Einstein

Toward the north, from there shone Frederick, the North Star, around whom Germany, Europe, even the world seemed to turn. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We're at a point in history where everyone needs to pay attention to politics. Too much is at stake for us to be apathetic. - Kevin Costner

To maintain a powerful life force, forget yourself, forget about living and dying, and bring your full attention into this moment. - H E Davey

Fearlessness requires attention and receptivity - it takes focus to stand in the still eye of a tornado and not be swept away by it. - Susan Piver

In this age of microblogging and two-second sound bites, almost no one has the attention span, or time, to read more than a few sentences. - Tim Frick

When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. - Corrie Ten Boom

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

They submitted bills, and we paid them. Then we checked the engineering reports and found out that we had paid them far more than we owed them. - Donald Trump

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. - Unknown

Whenever you are embarrassed, just remember that in 1999 NASA destroyed a $655 Million project because the engineers mistook kilograms and pounds. - Unknown


Raise Twins

Redneck Baby Stroller

Dog Lookout

Porpoise Pilots

Redneck Lawn Mower Delivery

Military Cuts Have Gone Too Far

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Bald Helmet

Tasmanian PiggyBack Ride

Rim Fail

Trillion Dollar Man

How Grandma Handles Windows

2022 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Two Small Men With Big Loads Moving Co.

Snowman Meal

First Snow Blower

Spot the K-Mart Shopper

Designer Lamp

Long Winter

New 50 Pence Coin

Truck Art

Redneck Chair Repair

Bus Head Rest

How Big Was It?