Vatican Chess

No man is an Ireland. - Richard Daley

I would have made a good Pope. - Richard M Nixon

Scotland is the Canada of England. - Rainn Wilson

England is a nation of shopkeepers. - Napoleon Bonaparte

It ain't exactly the Pope diamond. - Archie Bunker

The Pope, I hope, can only be scared by God. - Donald Trump

Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce

He was not only a bore; he bored for England. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Women in London must have learned not to breathe. - Irene Trimble

England can never be ruined except by a Parliament. - Lord Burleigh

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

I failed to make the chess team because of my height. - Woody Allen

It's safer to be a chess player than a chess piece. - Mary Foley

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

You only have to survive in England and all is forgiven you. - Alan Bennett

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

The monarchical institution in England is immensely valuable. - Malcolm Muggeridge

The English have three vegetables and two of them are cabbage. - Walter Page

You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach

There'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood. - Bob Hope

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett

For me, baseball is more comparable to chess than it is to hockey. - Jeff Garlin

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce. - Francesco Caracciolo

In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

Britain's most useful role is somewhere between bee and dinosaur. - Harold MacMillan

The man who can dominate a London dinner-table can dominate the world. - Oscar Wilde

England is an empire, Germany is a nation, a race, France is a person. - Jules Michelet

You'd play me chess, about which I don't even know how to deal. - Archie Bunker

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

I have great respect for the Pope. I like the Pope. I actually like him. - Donald Trump

When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London. - Bette Midler

I used to go missing a lot... Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World. - George Best

Civilization - a heap of rubble scavenged by scrawny English Lit. vultures. - Malcolm Muggeridge

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Emo Philips

There are ways of singing in English that are not just the same as in French. - Coeur de Pirate

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Exercise is king, nutrition is queen. Put them together and you have a kingdom. - Jack LaLanne

It was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window. - Raymond Chandler

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers

On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners. - George Mikes

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. - George Carlin

The noblest prospect which a Scotsman ever sees is the high road that leads him to England. - Samuel Johnson

There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. - Oscar Wilde

A broken heart is a very pleasant complaint for a man in London if he has a comfortable income. - George Bernard Shaw

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan

The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. - Oscar Wilde

Reporter: "How many people work at the Vatican?"
Pope John XXIII: "About half." - Pope John XXIII

Although he tortures the English language, he has not yet succeeded in forcing it to reveal its meaning. - J B Morton

In America, the policeman is a working-class hero. In England, the policeman is a working-class traitor. - Martin Amis

Why does not the Pope build St. Peter's with his own money, rather than with the money of poor believers? - Martin Luther

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

If it is good to have one foot in England, it is still better, or at least as good, to have the other out of it. - Henry James

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

I think what's going on with gorillas is pretty bad. The fact is that you can buy gorilla meat in London any day you want it. - Adam Ant

It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

You know that ISIS wants to go in and take over the Vatican? You have heard that. You know, that's a dream of theirs, to go into Italy. - Donald Trump

Lincolnshire is the Idaho of England. You were either going to drive a tractor for the rest of your life or head for the city to work in a factory. - Bernie Taupin