#1 humor site on the 'net

Too Hot

Is it time to take down the lights yet?

Too Hot thanks to Chris Kane

QuotaBills
An old man in a house is a good sign. - Benjamin Franklin

He lights up a room when he leaves it. - Henny Youngman

A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life. - Unknown

Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines. - Robert H Schuller

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. - James Keller

To play billiards well is a sign of ill-spent youth. - Charles Roupell

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. - Steven Wright

A chip on the shoulder is a sure sign of wood higher up. - Brigham Young

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. - Terry Pratchett

We must interpret a bad temper as a sign of inferiority. - Alfred Adler

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? - George Carlin

If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it. - Earl Wilson

A round wife and a full barn are the signs of good success. - Amish Saying

A bore is a person who lights up the room simply by leaving it. - L.J. Peter

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters

Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

A sign of celebrity is that his name is often worth more than his services. - Daniel J. Boorstin

There was nothing in the dark that wasn't there when the lights were on. - Rod Serling

It is often a sign of wit not to show it, and not to see that others want it. - Suzanne Necker

I got something important here to read and sign and I gotta consecrate on that. - Archie Bunker

There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast. - Charles Dickens

To be satisfied with yourself is a sure sign that your forward motion has stopped. - Unknown

When a man falls into his anecdotage, it is a sign for him to retire from the world. - Benjamin Disraeli

Contradiction is not a sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth. - Blaise Pascal

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship. - Omar N Bradley

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? - Albert Einstein

Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart. - Jose N Harris

Usually a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow. - Jeremy Clarkson

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are so very mean. - Zach Galifianakis

Tears shed for self are tears of weakness, but tears shed for others are a sign of strength. - Billy Graham

If you are discouraged it is a sign of pride, because it shows you trust in your own powers. - Mother Teresa

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

The fly that doesn't want to be swatted is most secure when it lights on the fly-swatter. - G.C. Lichtenberg

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? - Laurence J. Peter

As an actor you become that lighting rod between the person who made the play and the audience. - Christopher Walken

The sign of intelligent people is their ability to control emotions by the application of reason. - Marya Mannes

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. - Woody Allen

Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off the lights for economical rather than romantic reasons. - Lillian Carter

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I got all the schooling any actress needs. That is, I learned to write well enough to sign contracts. - Hermione Gingold

I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired. - Steven Wright

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

You get the best effort from others not by lighting a fire beneath them, but by building a fire within. - Bob Nelson

In the words of Harry S. Truman, "If it's too hot in the kitchen, stay away from the cook." - Archie Bunker

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. - Woody Allen

It's a sign of age if you feel like the morning after the night before and you haven't been anywhere. - Unknown

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson

Crying doesn't indicate that you are weak. Ever since you were born it's been a sign that you are alive. - Unknown

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you're riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. - Bob Marley

Who is apt, on occasion, to assign a multitude of reasons when one will do? This is a sure sign of weakness in argument. - Harriet Martineau

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won't feel like you are alone anymore. - Unknown

Don't be afraid of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything. - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

The greatest sign of success for a teacher is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist." - Maria Montessori

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

Trying to predict the future is like trying to drive down a country road at night with no lights while looking out the back window. - Peter F Drucker

No sign of pleasure greeted the announcement. The mood in the hall was leaden.
My mood was livelier. Fright is livelier than lead. - Gail Carson Levine

A man’s life is interesting primarily when he has failed – I well know. For it’s a sign that he tried to surpass himself. - Georges Clemenceau

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky. - Hafez


Koalified

How Much Time Left

Expandable Equation

Devoted Husband

Statue of Libertea

Beaver Stretching

Social Media Explained

Famous Equations

Ain't Mowing the Lawn Anymore

Crocpox

Deer Me!

Inverted Helicopter

Water Hat

NASCAR Fan - Diehard Category

Busted

Build It - They Will Come

Exhausted Baby

Monkeypox II

Overloaded Bookshop

Grass Leak

Family Tent

False Dreams

Fishnet Stockings

Saskatchewan Freeway