Tire-d Fork In The Road

Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar

When you come to a fork in the road, take it. - Yogi Berra

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Don't dig your grave with a knife and fork. - English Proverb

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman

She died doing what she loved, taking a selfie in traffic. - Unknown

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. - Dan Rather

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright