#1 humor site on the 'net

Sign, Sign, Everywhere A Sign

So I tucked my hair up under my hat

Sign, Sign, Everywhere A Sign thanks to Keith Blake

"Signs" (1971) by the Canadian rock group Five Man Electrical Band

And the sign said "Long-haired freaky people need not apply"
So I tucked my hair up under my hat and I went in to ask him why
He said "You look like a fine upstanding young man, I think you'll do"
So I took off my hat, I said "Imagine that. Huh! Me workin' for you!"

Chorus: Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?

And the sign said anybody caught trespassin' would be shot on sight
So I jumped on the fence and-a yelled at the house
"Hey! What gives you the right?"
"To put up a fence to keep me out or to keep mother nature in"
"If God was here he'd tell you to your face, man, you're some kinda sinner"

Now, hey you, mister, can't you read?
You've got to have a shirt and tie to get a seat
You can't even watch, no you can't eat
You ain't supposed to be here
The sign said you got to have a membership card to get inside

And the sign said, "Everybody welcome. Come in, kneel down and pray"
But when they passed around the plate at the end of it all
I didn't have a penny to pay
So I got me a pen and a paper and I made up my own little sign
I said, "Thank you, Lord, for thinkin' 'bout me. I'm alive and doin' fine"

QuotaBills
An old man in a house is a good sign. - Benjamin Franklin

Language is a virus from outer space. - William S Burroughs

A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert

Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham

A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life. - Unknown

Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines. - Robert H Schuller

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. - Steven Wright

The art of communication is the language of leadership. - James Humes

A chip on the shoulder is a sure sign of wood higher up. - Brigham Young

We must interpret a bad temper as a sign of inferiority. - Alfred Adler

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. - Martin Buber

To a child's ear, 'mother' is magic in any language. - Arlene Benedict

Reality can be lost when reason and language have been violated. - Ravi Zacharias

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. - Gore Vidal

If you're a good numbers person, you're a bad language person. - Frank Luntz

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

Dreams say what they mean, but they don't say it in daytime language. - Gail Godwin

A sign of celebrity is that his name is often worth more than his services. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

I got something important here to read and sign and I gotta consecrate on that. - Archie Bunker

No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut. - Sam Rayburn

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. - Ezra Pound

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. - Jerry M Wright

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? - Albert Einstein

Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart. - Jose N Harris

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are so very mean. - Zach Galifianakis

Tears shed for self are tears of weakness, but tears shed for others are a sign of strength. - Billy Graham

If you are discouraged it is a sign of pride, because it shows you trust in your own powers. - Mother Teresa

Language is our meeting place, the sea we live in... it is the common ground of our humanity. - Toby Wolfe

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. - Woody Allen

It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us; it is the very sign of His presence. - C S Lewis

If the sign on your heart says, "WELCOME", the love will come pouring in from everywhere. - Susan Jeffers

Human language appears to be a unique phenomenon, without significant analogue in the animal world. - Noam Chomsky

I got all the schooling any actress needs. That is, I learned to write well enough to sign contracts. - Hermione Gingold

I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired. - Steven Wright

The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. - Woody Allen

Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

Thanksgiving is the language of heaven, and we had better start to learn it if we are not to be mere dumb aliens there. - AJ Gossip

Who is apt, on occasion, to assign a multitude of reasons when one will do? This is a sure sign of weakness in argument. - Harriet Martineau

The protean nature of the computer is such that it can act like a machine or like a language to be shaped and exploited. - Alan Kay

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless. - Unknown

Music expresses feeling and thought, without language; it was below and before speech, and it is above and beyond all words. - Robert G Ingersoll

Don't be afraid of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything. - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. - Virginia Woolf

The symbolic language of the crucifixion is the death of the old paradigm; resurrection is a leap into a whole new way of thinking. - Deepak Chopra

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela

No sign of pleasure greeted the announcement. The mood in the hall was leaden.
My mood was livelier. Fright is livelier than lead. - Gail Carson Levine

A man’s life is interesting primarily when he has failed – I well know. For it’s a sign that he tried to surpass himself. - Georges Clemenceau

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Music is a language that doesn't speak in particular words. It speaks in emotions, and if it's in the bones, it's in the bones. - Keith Richards

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Hand-Some Baby

Joined Workout

Looking The Part

Redneck Candle

Redneck Plumbing

Flat Spare Tire

Ink Birds

Man Of The House

Ukrainian Model T

Sunshine State

Sons Of Arthritis

Husband Colors

Soccer Watch

Finger Lickin' Good!

Scottish Variant

Knight Room

FIFA HQ

Spot The Surfer

Finally Got The Sink Fixed

Antique iPhones

Spongebob Suarez

Auto Correct Passing

Computer Resuscitation

PonyTale