Pets Come First

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

We hold these semi-animal meetings. - Archie Bunker

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The buffalo is a surprisingly stupid animal. - Ellsworth Huntington

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. - Mark Twain

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. - Plato

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

Mmmm, pork chops and bacon... my two favorite animals. - Homer Simpson

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Animals are my friends... and I don't eat my friends. - George Bernard Shaw

All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others. - George Orwell

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

The best thing about animals is that they don't talk much. - Thornton Wilder

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. - Groucho Marx

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

All animals, except man, know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it. - Samuel Butler

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Mahatma Gandhi

Men are the only animals that devote themselves, day in and day out, to making one another unhappy. - H L Mencken

There are some things in life where it's better to receive than to give, and massage is one of them. - Al Michaels

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

It is inexcusable for scientists to torture animals; let them make their experiments on journalists and politicians. - Henrik Ibsen

There are a zillion variables to a hamburger. What part of the animal went into it. What coarseness. What temperature. - Danny Meyer

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. - Bertrand Russell

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Man is the only animal who enjoys the consolation of believing in a next life; all other animals enjoy the consolation of not worrying about it. - Robert Brault