Pets Come First

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? - George Carlin

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

Rebellions of the belly are the worst. - Francis Bacon

Watchdog: Animal that keeps the best time - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard

Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. - Plato

Mmmm, pork chops and bacon... my two favorite animals. - Homer Simpson

Animals are my friends... and I don't eat my friends. - George Bernard Shaw

Hamster: The animal least likely to be found in a synagogue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Everywhere animals are in chains, but we image them as free. - Carol J Adams

The best thing about animals is that they don't talk much. - Thornton Wilder

He who does not mind his belly, will hardly mind anything else. - Samuel Johnson

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Animals don't hate, and we're supposed to be better than them. - Elvis Presley

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

Barium: 1. What Doctors do when treatment fails; 2. What you do when CPR fails. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. - Steven Wright

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Often, the human animal dresses terror in rage, and expresses both in a way unlike either. - Julius Lester

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. - William Shakespeare

Animals are like little children a bit. They're simple. They don't have politics driving them. - Annabelle Sabloff

My favorite animal is a polar bear. They're going extinct, and I really don't want that to happen. - Quvenzhane Wallis

We are not animals. We are not a product of what has happened to us in our past. We have the power of choice. - Stephen Covey

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel. - Homer Simpson

There are a zillion variables to a hamburger. What part of the animal went into it. What coarseness. What temperature. - Danny Meyer

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? - Carol Burnett

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones. - Bertrand Russell

Animals are not our selfie props. If there's any risk that your photo is going to hurt or stress an animal, it's not worth it. - Angela Henderson

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield