Pets Come First

My favorite animal is steak. - Fran Lebowitz

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

Man is by nature a political animal. - Aristotle

The best food is whatever fills the belly. - Arab Proverb

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. - Mark Twain

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My music is best understood by children and animals. - Igor Stravinsky

Mmmm, pork chops and bacon... my two favorite animals. - Homer Simpson

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

Animals are my friends... and I don't eat my friends. - George Bernard Shaw

All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others. - George Orwell

There's a good animal show on with that kindly old gent, Marlons Perkos. - Archie Bunker

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. - Steven Wright

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

A racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time. - Marjorie Johnson

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it. - Groucho Marx

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

I was readin' an article about the animal population - there's millions of pets explodin'. - Archie Bunker

There are some things in life where it's better to receive than to give, and massage is one of them. - Al Michaels

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

It is inexcusable for scientists to torture animals; let them make their experiments on journalists and politicians. - Henrik Ibsen

There are a zillion variables to a hamburger. What part of the animal went into it. What coarseness. What temperature. - Danny Meyer

Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? - Carol Burnett

Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. - Oscar Wilde

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones. - Bertrand Russell

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer